One Week Down

I’m one week into my two week wait. It’s been fairly easy so far. Of course I’ve questioned little twinges here and there, but for the most part I’ve been able to ignore all of that stuff. The progesterone is making me tired, and have really sore boobs. I’m on 600mg (200mg 3x’s per day) of progesterone for the first time and it kind of kicks my butt. Keep on going little embryo that could!

Not much else is going on. H. is really trying to help me stay stress free and he’s helping me around the house. We both have a lot riding on this. Not much else to report. I’m not sure when I’ll be posting again.

To those who are reading, thanks for the comments they have really helped me along this road!

Hurdles

It’s funny, H. and I have the same outlook on the whole IVF process and we didn’t really sit down and discuss it at any point. We both see it as a series of hurdles to get past. So far, the hurdles that we have passed are – 1. Wait for lower FSH – 6.7, 2. found a cyst on CD3 ultrasound, 3. Shrunk the cyst, 4. did injectibles, 5. did trigger shot, 6. had egg retrieval, 7. egg fertilized and survived the night, 8. embryo continued to grow, survived another night, 9. embryo was ready for transfer, 10. transfer occurred. The next hurdle will be Beta, I’m not thinking beyond that. H. and I are being positive and hopeful. We talked about being very cautious and not getting our hopes up, but we realized that either way if it doesn’t work we’re going to be disappointed. We might as well be positive along the way.

Transfer is completed

Transfer was today. The lab said it was a beautiful embryo – 8 cell grade 2. They also did assisted hatching so that it will be easier for the embryo to hatch. I felt like everybody was cheering for us. Such a different experience than it was at the retrieval. I did acupuncture before and after the transfer, we bought a pineapple and I’m eating that, and after the transfer and acupuncture we went to Bur.ger King and had a greasy meal.

The best part of the transfer was watching the ultrasound screen and seeing the embryo being injected into my uterus. It was exactly like other people have described – like a shooting star. It’s not actually the embryo you see, but the liquid the embryo is in.

We’re calling this embryo – the little embryo that could – and we’re praying that this embryo will become our healthy child in 9 months or so.

Beta is in two weeks.

Transfer is a go for tomorrow.

Transfer is a go for tomorrow. Received another call from the happy lab man. He said everything's on track - it's 4 cell.

It fertilized.

It fertilized. Thank the Lord!

I got the call from a guy at the lab (embryologist?) and he was so happy to deliver the good news. I was very happy to receive it.

Egg Retrieval

Had my egg retrieval on Friday; I was able to get a pretty good night’s sleep and was up bright and early Friday morning. We got to the clinic for 7am, where we were met by our nurse and brought back to the procedure area to get changed. H. was with me every step of the way. They took my blood pressure and gave me an ativan, and then they put my IV in. Luckily, they didn’t have any trouble finding a vein. They pushed some other meds through my IV and it was time for egg retrieval.

It was a very intimidating process. Everyone standing in their scrubs; I couldn’t see their faces and I didn’t know the doctor that was going to do my retrieval. I’m not going to lie; it hurt. I only had 3 follicles – I can’t imagine what it’s like for people who have several. The meds didn’t work – I didn’t feel stoned at all, they had promised me I would feel very stoned. My left ovary was not cooperative and kept bouncing away every time the doctor tried to aspirate the follicle. It was so incredibly painful. In all he only got the two follicles on my right ovary; out of those two follicles they only got one egg. I was devastated and disappointed and was crying on the table.

Afterwards, I just wanted to leave; I only stayed in post-op for about 45 minutes. Then we met with the doctor for awhile to discuss the concerns that I’d had. He then went on to tell me about how he believes there’s a plan for everything. He told me a story about a woman who had finally given up on treatment because she’d been unsuccessful after many years and many failed IVFs. She went on vacation with her husband and got pregnant on her own. She then died of a burst aortic valve because when she’d complained of not feeling well, the baby blocked the valve on the ultrasound. Hmm. Not exactly the story that you need to hear after a crappy egg retrieval.

Long story short – we got one egg.

Trigger Shot

I was dreading doing the trigger shot. I've heard so many times about how it stings and I'm just a big suck when it comes to any kind of pain. So, I searched around the 'nets and eventually found a small piece of advice hidden in a message board. I follow said advice and there was no sting. Nothing. In fact, it was so pain free I had to check to make sure I'd actually injected the HCG and not the saline.

As a PSA, I will pass this tip on to you. Mix the saline with the powder about 15 to 20 minutes before you're going to inject it. Roll the vial between your hands to mix and dissolve the mixture. Then let it sit there until you're ready to give yourself the trigger. This extra time will allow the powder to dissolve even more... presto no stinging or minimal stinging.

About 2 or 3 minutes after I gave myself the shot in my belly, the injection site got red and splotchy and incredibly itchy. It was like that for about half an hour or so and then slowly dissipated as the night went on.

Yet another hurdle has been met and passed.

Next up ER. By this time tomorrow it will be done.

CD 11 Update

Not a very creative title, but accurate.

Went in again today for blood work and ultrasound. My RE was excited to see that he knows exactly where my ovaries are without having to look around because he’s seen me so frequently. Whatever. Left 1.12 (no longer in play, Right 1.8 and 1.9. Trigger tonight and retrieval is Friday morning.

This time I’m not taking Ovidrel – I don’t believe that it worked for me for my IUI. My RE never confirmed this with me, but I’m taking 10000iu of Chorionic Gonadtropin. I guess that tells you how well the Ovidrel worked. You have to mix this stuff and I’m pretty sure it stings.

This all just sucks. I am really trying to stay as positive as I can. H. is so positive and hopeful; I wish I could be in the same frame of mind as him. I am feeling cautious. I really don’t want to get my hopes up. Sigh.

I’m just going to stick with my plan. Take one step at a time and move through this process. I am going to be as positive as I can be. And, then just wait to see what happens.

CD10 Check up

We have 3 follies. Left - 1.4, Right - 1.6 and 1.7 I go back tomorrow for another check up. Who knows I may trigger tomorrow night.

Even though I've been giving myself all of these needles and my belly is black and blue I haven't really allowed myself to think about what the next step is. It hasn't felt real until today. This is really happening. I will be going to ER. I'm not thinking past that. ER is my next hurdle. I just want to get through that.

I'm worried about ER for so many weird and wonderful things... will the sedation make me say stupid things? will the gown fit me? - I'm a big girl, I don't need that embarassment, will it hurt? will I throw up? will it be successful? will there be complications? will there be eggs in the follicles? will the dr. be one I have confidence in? will they treat me nicely? will they treat me with dignity?

H. would tell me to stop worrying, that it can't help anything and will only stress me out. I'll tell you that him telling me that is what stresses me out. I need to think about the possibilities so that I can prepare myself for them in the case that it happens. Sigh. Men really are from Mars.

Name Change

I didn't like my title anymore. It sounds too negative to me - I even had a comment to that affect earlier this year. None in the Oven is no more... now I have Room in my Oven. Hear that universe? There's room in my oven now.

Thoughts?

Day 9 Check up

Well, there are now 3 follies, but it seems like the two that were there already didn’t grow, in fact one is smaller today than it was 2 days ago. Right 1.3 and 1.4, Left 1.1

I go back tomorrow for another check up; they want to make sure my estrogen is rising. It seems it is because my lining went from just under .6 up to .7.

Please, grow little follies grow.

We are doing IVF with ICSI, since according to Dr. Handsome that will give us the best odds for fertilization. He said that their success rate for 40 to 43 year olds (the age of my ovaries) is 40%. I guess that’s good. I really like Dr. Handsome, but I really don’t like the way the clinic is set up. I wish he was the only Dr. that I dealt with. He makes me feel like I’m in good hands and can trust him. The problem is I don’t just see him, I see several different doctors – whomever happens to be on duty at the time that I’m there.

I find it so funny that H. and I were debating what to do with our extra embryos. We’ll have to freeze them, when to use them etc. Wanted to know how much it would cost? What are the odds of success? How long can they be frozen.

Stupid couple, you have high FSH – there will be no extra embies for you.

2

While not the loneliest number, 2 pretty much sucks when you’re talking about follicles. I have two; one on each ovary measure 1.4 each. There are other small follicles, but none that will grow enough to be considered in play for this IVF. So while I felt like I flew over the other hurdles, I just feel like I crashed right through this one. I’m still in the running, but I’m slightly injured.

I was pretty proud of myself. I didn’t cry when the doctor told me and I didn’t take the hint to stop asking questions as he tried to rush me on my way. I stood firm in my paper sheet and asked him question after question not really getting many answers. I had a little cry as I was getting dressed, but then I pulled myself together before I left the room.

We had been considering using ICSI, but he told me that slightly fewer eggs survive when ICSI is used so there is risk associated with it. Also, 5% of eggs that undergo icsi do not fertilize. Since H’s sperm are strong we don’t need to use it so we’re not going to.

I’m on 300 iu of puregon a day, when I asked if this could be upped he told me I’m at the maximum that can be prescribed. I could have sworn I’ve seen people that have been given more. But, he also added that the 2 follies are so far in the lead that even if I upped the meds the other follies would not catch up.

We are going to go the IVF route simply because with IVF at least I know that the sperm will actually meet the egg. With IUI you can’t guarantee that. Also, with IVF I’ll get a chance to see what the quality of my eggs/embryos is. Well, that’s assuming we get to retrieval.

On the bright side, at least there’s no chance of OHSS.

What the hell was that?

Today was my weekly acupuncture appointment, the only difference here was that my lovely acupuncturist/naturopath, Dr. Nice was off on vacation (in sunny Cuba – lucky girl!) so I was in with the perky chiro/acupuncturist that was filling in for her. Have you ever seen a chiro table? It doesn’t look like your normal dr.’s table. It’s ergonomic and fits the shape of the body… that is if you are a teeny tiny person. If you’re someone like me, it’s completely uncomfortable because your feet hang off the end and there are no sides to rest your arms on so they are either folded across your stomach or dangle down towards the floor.

Anyway, I hop (haha, try gingerly move) onto the table and locate the most comfortable position possible (feet hanging off from the table at the lower calf, arms folded at my sides so that my hands are under my bum, head resting on the head rest area that has a crack down the middle). Meanwhile perky girl puts the needles in their allocated spots. This all goes well – no pain, no blood, no tears. Sigh. Then she turns out the lights and leaves the room, closing the door behind her with the chipper words “Relax and enjoy your nap”. I suddenly go into panic mode. I’m lying on some contraption in the dark, with pins sticking in me, being serenaded by some kind of weird Japanese opera while the walls feel like they’re closing in around me. I was {} this close to hopping off the table and running out of the room screaming. I could feel the blood rushing to my head, my chest getting tight and my heart begin to pump pump pump. All the classic signs of a panic attack.

I knew that if I didn’t act quickly I’d have a full-blown attack on my hands and who knows where that would lead. So, I started trying to even out my breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth… big, deep, cleansing breaths. Then, I put myself in my happy place – in a backyard pool floating face up with the hot sun beating down and the small waves lapping against the sides of my face and body. Inch by inch my body started to relax… but, I never quite reached the Zen feeling I normally get from acu.

OK – I just have to say it. I hated it. It was horrible. I can’t believe what a creature of habit I am, but I love Dr. Nice. She’s awesome. And, I love her big squishy table that my feet don’t hang off and my arms don’t dangle from. I love that she dims the lights rather than plunging me into darkness like I’m being punished for something. I can’t help it. I just like what I like and if I had ever been referred to perky girl, despite all of the great things I’d heard about acu prior to starting it, I would NEVER have continued it.

On the plus side, I guess it’s nice to experience something like that so that you find out how much you appreciate the people in your life.

I can’t wait for Dr. Nice to get back.

I'm officially a pin cushion...

Last night, I did my first set of shots to launch us towards IVF. .05 of Suprefact (ETA - Spacey - the Suprefact is for suppression) and 150 iu of Puregon. I some how nicked myself removing the needle for the Puregon and bled for a little bit. I was a little nervous because I hadn’t given myself any shots since last August. I also had a bit of a meltdown because I thought I didn’t have any needles for my puregon pen… my mind was swirling trying to figure out how I was going to give myself the shot without needles. Then I realized that in the box with the cartridge there were not one, but two boxes of needles. Oops. Disaster averted.

This morning’s sticking went much better. I’m almost over the weird sensation of plunging something into my belly. I’m sure by the end of this I’ll be an old pro at shooting up.

And... go.

I was getting a little worried because I still didn't have my period after stopping BCP last Wednesday (March 4), so on Monday(yesterday) I emailed my clinic to let them know and to find out if I should be worried. Well, I got a call back today. I have to start meds tonight. This will be considered my Day 3. They forgot to tell me one important thing... if I didn't have my period within 5 days I should have started the meds. Hmph. So, today is 6 days later, but should be fine.

Wow. This is really happening. And, it starts tonight. I'm excited and a little overwhelmed with things. Trying desparately to manage my hope and expectations. There are so many hurdles to get past. Hurdle #1 was a cycle with a lower FSH., Hurdle #2 shrink cyst, Hurdle #3 - get period to start meds. The next hurdle is how I respond to the meds. I'll find out on Saturday morning at my first check up ultrasound.

On another note, I found out an urban infertile myth can really happen. This blogger, has 3 month old twins (ivf) and has magically found herself pregnant with no intervention. It really does happen! Go by and read her story, wish her well!

The Ball is Rolling

Today was my follow up ultrasound to make sure the cyst had shrunk. I was so happy to find out that they didn’t need to do any blood work! When the called my name, I hopped up, entered the room and dropped trow. After mere moments of waiting, nude from the waist down (well wrapped in one of those crappy paper sheets that doesn’t quite close around my massive hips) I was called into the room. Dr. HMHMM was there – I didn’t quite catch his name last time – waiting with his magic wand. Lining .5, cyst down to .9 and wonder of all wonders I had 4 or 5 follicles on each ovary. I almost did a back flip off the edge of the examining table – darn foot rests were in the way.

So, here’s the deal. Stop taking BCP and wait for period. On CD3 start 150 iu of Puregon twice per day, .05 Suprefact each morning. Do that for 5 days and then go in for an ultrasound to see how we’re doing. If my calculations are right, my Beta will be scheduled around my birthday (April 5th-ish).

Wow.