Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Perspective

Today is CD24 I *think* I'm 10 DPO. Other than some sore boobs I don't have any symptoms. I really want this to be THE cycle, but I'm not too sure at this point. What I am sure about is that my body is giving me a nice normal cycle. If this is not THE ONE, then it means that I ovulated a little later than usual and it's more like a NORMAL person's. I am thankful that I am still ovulating and that my body will still give me these cycles. With high FSH your cycles get shorter and shorter and you ovulate earlier and earlier due to the immense amount of FSH being put in the system. The egg doesn't get to mature properly and therefore is harder to fertilize.

When I first started out TTC, the two week wait was torture as time moved I just hated it. Now, my perspective on the two week wait has changed, now there's a part of me that loves it. Because it represents possibilities. This little no man's land of the two week wait allows me to ask the "what if" questions, to think I may actually be pregnant and feel that little glow of anticipation. Yes, the let down of seeing AF can hurt emotionally, but then I have a fresh month to try. Hope used to hurt so much. I don't know where this sense of peace has come from, I just know that this journey has changed for me. I am willing to do all that I can to get and stay pregnant, but I am not willing to give up on me or my life. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I have been pregnant in the past, in October and December of 2008 I had chemical pregnancies. It is a real possibility for me to get pregnant naturally. Maybe that's what continutes to give me hope and peace of mind. The IVF showed that my eggs were a good quality and H.'s sperm is excellent. It's just a matter of time, effort and steely determination until we hit that magical combination of quality egg and stellar sperm, and have a pregnancy that sticks.

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! To Fran of Everyone Else But Me, her repeat beta was 673 after her recent IVF.

5 comments:

Phoebe said...

Sorry, I have been a bit MIA on the commenting front lately. I love your positive attitude. I also found your information about high FSH interesting. I need to research it myself. My cycles have always been short, but I don't think it is because of high FSH. I am also ovulating later lately, which I find interesting. My acupuncturist told me that ovulating later is better than ovulating early. Seems like you are ovulating right on time.

Lost in Space said...

As always, I love your attitude. That sounds like a nice transition for an appreciation of the 2ww.

I have pretty much given up on tracking mine and just know that the endo burn starts about a week before AF arrives. Lovely. LOL.

Hope said...

I love your perpective, doing everything you can to get and stay pregnant but to also live life, that is a good balance. I have the opposite problem of very very long cycles. A natural pregnancy would be fantastic, I wish you well.

Hope said...

I have nominated you for a One Lovely Blog Award

CHAR said...

I am glad your current cycle is in the normal range. That is great~ I also hope this is THE cycle.

xoox