I have been seriously losing my shit and it's not fun. I have still been having pains in my chest and side and I have still been having a sense of impending doom. I have been having serious panic attacks - the ones that make you feel like you're about to pass out, difficult to breathe, hot, thirsty and scared out of your mind. I really felt like I was losing my mind and was not in control of my emotions. I don't like to not be in control, even when I was younger and I'd go out drinking I never let it get past the point of being in control.
So, I went to my doctor today ready to fight to make sure that I was taken care of to my satisfaction. I wanted to know for sure whether I'm at risk for a heart attack, if I am in fact having a heart attack and what can be done for me. I also wanted to ask her about my BCPs, ever since I started taking them I have felt like I'm coming undone. I think it's the estrogen in them which is weird because when I was on the estrogen patches for my estrogen priming protocol, I felt amazing.
While in the waiting room, I was practising my deep breathing exercises trying to fend off another attack. (they feel like waves crashing in against my body with no let up - just wave after wave). When I saw her, I told her what I'd been experiencing. She listned to me and then started reassuring me. My blood tests were done in April 2009 (less than a year ago), my good cholesterol looked great and my bad cholesterol was low, I wasn't diabetic etc. I'm really low risk for having a heart attack. She listened to my heart and also took my blood pressure - 120 over 80 - and that was after having that panic attack. But, I insisted that I want a stress test, just to make sure once and for all. So, I have a referral.
Apparently, I have a Costochondritis - an inflammation of the cartilage that joins the ribs to the chest bone. And, my bras are too tight. It will clear up on its own, but I'm to take Advil daily for the pain and my doctor gave me a prescription for a stomach protector thingy - it's supposed to protect my stomach from the extra acid from the advil so I don't get an ulcer.
So, the good news is that I'm physically ok. The bad news is that there are underlying issues - psychological issues - that I need to deal with. These are the issues that are being exacerbated by the bcp.
So, I have two tasks: 1. Book my stress test, 2. book a psych consult.
Sorry I haven't been posting much lately and I haven't really been commenting. I have had to stay away from blogs, and message boards because just reading the stories was a little too much for me to handle.
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8 comments:
Oh my goodness, I am soooooo sorry to hear about what you're going through! You poor thing! As if you don't have enough to be worried about (or maybe this is because you have more than enough to be worried about!).
Please let me know if there's anything I can do...if you want to meet for some calming tea and a chat, or have a phone chat, or whatever - I'm here for you.
And if the blogs and message boards are stressing you out, you're doing the right thing to stay away - there are times when I love and enjoy them, and other times when they can feel like work or even be upsetting - there is no obligation, my dear...I think we have all been there and we understand the ebb and flow of it.
By the way, a friend of mine went through a similar experience with her chest pain and she also had a stress test - it ended up being anxiety-related for her and she takes Ativan for it, which she swears by.
The psych consult may not be a bad thing to explore, just to see - or perhaps seeing someone who specializes in IF counselling would be even better. I just heard about someone in our city through a friend who is apparently AMAZING...I can try to get the info for you if you like - e-mail me and let me know.
There may be some deep-seated emotions that you're feeling about your trip and your upcoming IVF, and it may be exacerbated by the bcps, as you say. Who knows? I hope you can get some answers and relief from it very soon.
(((Hugs)))
Love,
Maddy
Sweetie, I totally agree with Maddy, don't worry about blogging or commenting, every one needs some time out at times! I am of course very happy that you are physically ok, and you are dealing with a lot at the moment, stress is very difficult to control. I would definitely recommend meditation and yoga to try and keep your mind focussed. Just to give a bit of a good news, two cyber-friends from an Italian board, are back from Brno after DE with their BFP! They've gone through so much you know, so many cycles in Italy (with their eggs as DE is illegal) and finally gave up, this was their last chance and it worked! Much love and even if I'm far away I'm thinking of you, Fran
So glad your heart is ok! Some people get anxiety attacks from just taking a trip like you plan to, but without visiting a clinic on top of it all.
I would definitively recommend an IF educated counsellor, it's a very special kind of grief and pain.
Sorry this hurts so much.
Sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you lately. I'm glad that you have a good doctor who's going to be able to help you out.
A psych consult sounds like a good idea. Hopefully they'll either have good ideas for cognitive behavioural therapy, or will be able to better assess the panic attacks and give you the appropriate medication to help you through them.
Hope you're feeling better before Brno time comes along.
Sorry to hear you are going through this! I have also been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and have also stayed away from the blogs.
I hope you can get some answers from your doctor to help you feel better really soon.
Take care,
Cathy
Yikes hun, you poor thing! I hope you get to feeling better. I've had panic attacks in the past and have recently started having them again myself. NOT FUN!
Hope you get to feeling better very soon.
Dear Sweet Georgia, I'm so sorry you are going through this. That stress is trying to find it's way out and is having trouble with the right path. Damn that stress and worry. I wish I had some great assvice or helpful hints to help you get through them. It sounds like you have the right idea with seeking someone out to talk to. You have made a lot of big decisions lately and it's enough to take it's toll even on the strongest of people.
Take as long of a break as you need and know that we are here for you whenever you are ready. Taking care of you is the most important thing right now...
Many many hugs.
Don't worry about the Psych consult. I went to see a therapist last fall when the stresses of TTC, working, the recession, etc all became too much. It was great to have someone to spill my guts to. We came up with a plan together on how to deal with my stress and it's worked great!
I hope that it all works out for you too.
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