Feeling Nauseous

Who had 7w5d for me to start throwing up? I was praying that it wouldn't happen. For the past few weeks I've felt nauseous and gross and exhausted, but there was only one morning where I had a bit of a dry heave. Today, I've thrown up twice at work. Gross. Sorry for the TMI. I felt dizzy at lunch and thought I was going to pass out, then this pm I had a visit with the porcelain god. Blech.

This triplet thing has me thrown for a loop. It wasn't on my radar screen, it was a 3% chance that came true. 3%. Crazy. I know it's really early and maybe I shouldn't be counting my chickens before they're hatched, but it's kind of hard not to worry and begin to make plans. I always thought that once I was fortunate enough to get pregnant that I'd be cautious about things. It's just not happening that way for me. Everyone knows, for better or for worse, the cat is definitely out of the bag.

We're having our real estate agent come out to the house tonight. Just to get some information. We want to weigh the possibilities we have about what we could get for our house and if the house we need is out there right now. In Ontario, they are introducing the HST (a blended tax - tax on housing will go from I think 8% to 13%) on July 1st. Apparently the market is really hot right now because people are trying to avoid the HST. Anyway, we should have more information after our meeting tonight.

Above and beyond everything, I feel incredibly blessed to have this pregnancy. The vomiting today has made it more real. And, even though it's gross and I hate doing it, it's just one more sign that this pregnancy is real. My first OB/GYN appointment was booked for June 25th, but after I called and informed them of the new multiple status of the pg, they moved it up to June 11th. I can't wait to get another look at what's living in my belly.

There's another topic I need to cover, but I'm not sure how prepared I am to deal with it. It's about the guilt of moving on. I don't really feel completely on the pg path yet, but I know that's the way my posts will read. I wish that all of you can finally find the treatment or choice that works for you; whatever path it is that will lead you to fulfill your dreams. I understand that you may not want to read along or comment much on my blog, I'll be following along with you and cheering you on. I hope you'll stop by if/when you can.

Ultrasound Results

Well, I'm back from my u/s and have some amazing results. We went into the exam room - oh, H. was with me - and the tech first tried to get results via an abdominal u/s. That wasn't clear enough, so we went to the transvaginal u/s, always with the cootercam. Anyway, the tech is looking and she shows us that there are two sacks and she does all of the measurements, looks at heartbeats etc and then she say. "I'll be right back". Both, H and I thought to ourselves - that's never good news... The tech came back with another woman. Tech 2 takes over and is looking and H says "so how many do we have in there? and Tech 2 says "well we think it's at least 2." My heart stopped, what does "at least mean". Yep, it means what you think it means... we're having triplets! Holy fuck! We had two embies transferred but one of them split. So, we're expecting a set of identicals and a fraternal.

I guess when we do things, we really do things!

I thought about selective reduction for about half a second. Going into this, i thought if we have triplets we'd reduce - better health for me and better health opportunities for the babies. But, now that I'm faced with it, I'm not sure I could do it. And, I know H. would not go for it. Unless the Dr. gives me very good reasons that we should reduce, we're not going to.

My life just flipped upside down and I'm feeling really good about it.

6W1D

I'm halfway through the first trimester which seems weird to me. I'm having lots of cramping today, no bleeding so that's good. I'm exhausted, but I think that's mainly due to the cold I have and also to the progesterone that I'm on. My cold today is better, but it's still not great. H. has been sick all week and now his jaw is bothering him - it's extremely painful. He grinds his teeth. Last night our chocolate lab couldn't get up off the floor. He was in pain and wouldn't come to me, even when offered a treat or asked if he wanted to go outside. I lost it I was so upset. By the time H. got home, the pup got up and walked gingerly to him. So, it wasn't as bad as we initially thought he has arthritis in his back or his hip. Poor puppy.

Back to the pregnancy, I don't feel like I'm pregnant. I expected to be throwing up and having extremely sore boobs. Instead, I don't feel like eating, I'm not throwing up and I'm tired. I can't wait for my ultrasound on Thursday.

Had a Cold

Just a quick post to let you know I'm still around. I have been sick since the weekend. I have been off work all week accept for the couple of hours I went in yesterday to finish a project. Blech. I'm so sick of blowing my nose. I am on the mend now though. I think it was a cold triggered by allergies. I called the motherisk line to find out if antihistamines are safe to take in the 1st trimester - the brand I use are. I took one yesterday and it helped tremendously.

I have been reading along with your blogs and silently cheering you on. I haven't had the energy to post anywhere lately. I'll catch up soon - promise!

My symptoms are pretty well non-existant right now and of course that has me a little worried. But, I just have to remind myself that I wasn't having any symptoms and the betas were really strong. Well, I do get pretty burpy after eating and have had a few very minor cases of heart burn. I'll be 6 weeks tomorrow and the u/s is just a week away now. I'm praying for heart beats (well heart beat). H and I keep referring to my pregnancy as the babies or them. We both think there's more than one in there. Who knows? The idea kind of terrifies me, but excites me at the same time. Like I've said before, we'll love however many are in there (either 1 or 2).

5W1D

Yesterday I made it to 5 weeks. I have been doing pretty good at keeping the worrying at bay. Every time I go to the bathroom I check to see if there's blood. I figure that's a given at this point. If I have a strange pain or sharp cramp I may occasionally start worrying about an ectopic, but truly, for the most part, I have not been worrying. I have really been trying to just take in the fact that the donor egg cycle worked. I guess I have been feeling content.

I have also been completely and utterly exhausted. I start yawning around 7:30 and am in bed by 9pm. I am burp-y and have some crampy fullness type feelings and have tender boobs. Oh and also the occasional heart burn flare-ups. Other than that, I'm feeling great.

My doctor is on vacation right now, but before she went she gave me a script for my ultrasound and also did the referral to the hospital/dr obgyn I will be seeing. She said that I can go for my u/s as early as May 13th, but I am going to hold off until May 20th (if I can) - I should be 7 weeks by then. I just want to make sure that we have the best chance possible of seeing/hearing a heart beat. I don't want to go too early and chance not hearing something and then worrying myself sick over it.

I hope wherever you are in your cycle, whether your cycling at all or taking a break, that life is treating you well.

Prague & Brno

Here are some photos from our trip to Prague/Brno:

If you're ever in Prague/Brno and you want a bottle of non-carbonated water, you order "water, no gas". They don't give you tap water it's all bottled:



Any building that has a Czech flag & a Euro flag is a governmental building. I'm not sure which building this is, but it's beautiful:



This clock was built in the 1300's by an expert clock maker. After the clock was completed, the city hired someone to blind the maker so that he couldn't make another like it. The clock maker then climbed the tower blind and disabled the clock. Rendering it useless for a couple hundred years until someone finally was able to fix it:





H. enjoying one of the many fine Czech beers:



Me:



The Castle & its Cathedral:



Brno - Our Hotel



Town Square





Those are a few of our 100's of pictures, hope you enjoy them.

Beta #2

I called the clinic to set up an appointment to go in and get my results from my lab test yesterday. My favourite receptionist answered and she checked the computer - they weren't there - then she put me on hold so that she could call the lab and get the results. She called me back when she received the results and said "I've got them, it's good news. See you at one". I seriously love this girl! I made an appointment for 1pm today - H. came down to meet me and we went together.

My number for today was 1206 and the progesterone was up to 32. A doubling time of 36.67 hours.

Again we were told to be cautiously optimistic and also told of the frequencies of miscarriages in the first trimester.

I was also given a referral for my first ultrasound. Also, my doctor told me that my due date is January 6, 2011.

The appointment proved my instincts right. I told my clinic that I felt like in the morning my progesterone had warn off completely and then only kicked in again in the afternoon. From that, I said that I though I should double up my crinone. Well, the first beta was done at 9 in the morning and progesterone = 17, yesterday's beta was done at 4pm and came back at 32. I'm going to continue to double up on my progesterone.

Today's been a good day.

Telling

Thank-you for all of your comments and well wishes and support! There aren't words to express how much it means other than all of your comments brought a smile and some tears to my face/eyes.

Part of a comment posted by Valery was about waiting for better footing before getting too excited. I thought that would be my instinct if I ever had a positive. I thought that I would be sensible and that H. and I would keep it to ourselves at least until we were sure that things would progress. That isn't how things have been. He's told his Dad and a couple friends and I have told my family (and all of you!). We're excited and optimistic and I guess somewhere inside I just made the decision to revel in it. There are no guarantees in life so I'm going to enjoy this for as long as it's mine to enjoy. I am going to wait until we get the results of the 2nd beta back before I tell my group of friends though.

Kate - I'm not going to POAS even though I know the outcome. I just hate those things too much. Even as I type this, there is a part of me that would still like to see what a positive pee stick looks like, but I just don't know psychologically if I can do it.

Last night my brother called me to find out about dinner for this weekend (Mother's Day & a late celebration for my Dad's birthday that was last week). My bro is buying a cottage so we were talking about the deal hopefully closing this week and that we'll have something to celelbrate. I then said "we'll have something else to celebrate as well" and there was silence on the end of the phone. I made my big strong baby brother cry as he was walking down the street. We both were a little soggy. A little later we hung up and then H and I were off to the 'shwa to tell my parents. My Mom said to me "So, what's the news?" and I said "Are you ready to be a Grandma?" She nodded, then I said "Well, good because I'm p....." (can't type that word yet even though I've said it a couple of times). They were so happy, my Mom cried and Dad gave me a big kiss and hug. And, of course congratulated H.

I know I'm supposed to be cautiously optimistic, and that's what I told my parents and my bro. And, they know we're not telling anyone else at this point. We just really needed to tell the people we love the big news.

A Post i've Wanted to Write for 3 Years -ish

I guess that title will completely give it away, but it's offficial - the DEIVF cycle worked. On 11DP5DT, my beta was 430 and my progesterone was 17. I'm a little worried about the progesterone and am doubling up on my crinone from now on.

I called my Dr's office to follow up on the results and they had them faxed over. My doctor started off with the sentence "everything's good" and I lost it. I went to the ugly cry (as Oprah says).

I am in complete shock... I was convinced that this hadn't worked and on my way over to the clinic I was giving myself a little pep talk about how to handle it.

I'm going to go do a follow up beta to make sure we're still on track. I'm cautiously optimistic. Hell, I'm rejoicing, shaking, shocked over the first positive I've seen in 3 years.

H. is happy and has already emailed his Dad who left for France on Saturday.

Thank-you thank-you thank-you for holding the hope in your hearts when I couldn't do it for myself. The comments, emails and support I have received have really lifted me up and comforted me.

Edited to Add: I'm adding the following information for me, so that I have it documented and can refer back to it for nostalgia...

I tried calling the doctor's office all morning, every time I called it was sent direct to voicemail and the box was full. I really wanted to see if my lab tests were available yet. I knew that I was supposed to wait until Tuesday, but I'd waited so long I just wanted to hear the results. At noon I stopped calling and figured I'd just wait until the next day. Around 3pm I decide I'd try one last time to get through to the clinic, the blonde receptionist answered the phones, the one I'm friendly with. I told her it was me and that I was looking to see if my test results were in. She said what results - I said Beta. She checked the computer, they weren't there and then said "I'll call them to get them to fax it over then I'll call you back" about 5 minutes later she called and said "we have the results, come now and Dr. W can see you". I hung up the phone with my heart pounding in my chest and in my ears. I grabbed my sunglasses and a big wad of napkins in case I cried. In the elevator down and on my walk over I gave myself a pep talk of sorts. "It's going to be negative, but that's not the end of the world. We should have frozen embryos, I'll just have to go over and do a FET. It's going to be okay." etc etc. I only had to wait a few minutes at the office before the doctor called me in. She delivered the good news right away, and I seriously lost, Bad ugly cry, huge racking sobs. I had to have her keep repeating what she told me because it wasn't sticking. She handed me the paper with my results and it was shaking like a leaf in my hands. The receptionist high fived me when I came out of the office and said "I knew the results, I just couldn't say anything". They let me use their phone to call H. Then I floated on cloud 9 back to my office.

Went for Beta

I had to go to a regular lab for my beta today because my RE has opted out of being part of the whole donor eggs process. This means that even though I went to the lab today I won't get the results until Tuesday at the latest. That's crazy! And, is almost enough to make me POAS, but I'm still holding firm against doing that.

The lab was crazy busy; it opened at 8am, I got there at 8:02 and the place was a zoo. There were only 2 people working and they also had to work the reception desk. I waited an hour and 15 minutes to get my blood taken. The nurse/lab tech despite being over-worked was amazingly nice. She wished me luck as I left.

So, we shall know soon enough.

Still Waiting

Today I'm 9DP5DT or 14 days past ovulation. If I had done things normally, I would know tomorrow if my period is late. As it is, I'm on progesterone (crinone) and estrogen (6mg per day) and that will keep my period at bay.

I have not tested and although I have been tempted to do so, I will not until Beta. I really want to avoid any negative hpt's.

This week has had some ups and downs, certainty and uncertainty. I just have to wait and see what Monday holds for us.

One More Thing about Reprofit

There was one more thing I wanted to mention about Reprofit that really played a big role in our (my) decision to go there. They minimally stim the donors. The doctors are going for quality rather than quantity, but are also looking out for the best interests of the donors. Not a lot is known on the dangers of high stim protocol on donors, but I have heard that there can be health problems or issues with fertility later in life for donors. It made me feel good to know that the doctors cared about the donors and my chances at success equally.

As a recipient you will probably get between 5 and 7 embryos (from my reading and from the website I referenced in my Review that looks about average). They will only transfer 2 of the embryos maximum unless the embryos are of lower quality. Also, they only freeze embryos that are grade 1 (highest quality).

2WW Angst

I'm currently 6DP5DT, beta is coming up soon and I have no idea if we've been successful or not. I go back and forth between positive it's positive and sure that we've got a negative on our hands. For the most part, I'm trying not to think about it and if negative doubts sneak in I try to turn them around to positive as quickly as I can. I have to keep reminding myself if thinking could get you pregnant it would have happened for us a long time ago.

My boobs go from being very sore to not sore at all then slightly sore etc. Which is all due to the progesterone suppositories, I know. I'm not nauseous, dizzy, no bleeding gums. I'm exhausted, but that's due to jet lag & the progesterone I'm on. I have a little bit of cramping I think, but I'm not sure - it could just be gas or the way I'm sitting in my chair.

I had a dream on Saturday night that I was holding our baby girl. She was so tiny, and had a smattering of light blond hair and big blue eyes. Then someone handed me a baby boy, truth be told he looked a little weird. Now that I think about it, it was like he was half new born half child, if that makes any sense. He had dark brown hair, pale skin and dark eyes, a slight Eastern Europe-ness around the eyes and nose. It was a nice and weird dream all at once.

All that to say that I'm anxious for the beta. I am tempted to take a pregnancy test, but I'm happy in this land of not knowing right now. A negative test could devastate me and if it's positive, well, that would be great. It's just, what if it's not?

I am praying for a positive, then a health pregnancy, then a healthy child and so on.

Review

As promised here is a review of our experience with myivfalternative.com and the clinic Reprofit.

Why myivfalternative?
At first H and I were a little skeptical of using an online company for something that was so extremely personal and critical to us. We wanted to make sure that we weren't going to be scammed - I had heard so many horror stories of people being taken advantage of during their journey to building their family. I did a lot of research about them looking for women who had used their services and what their outcomes had been. I found a few blogs from women that had used their services and also found a message board of women using the clinic Reprofit that also talked about using their services. We felt comfortable enough to move forward with them. We liked the idea of having a contact in Brno that would pick us up from the airport/bus/train and take us to our hotel, and also to/from our clinic appointments and then also drop us back at the airport/bus/train. Also, the person in Brno spoke English so if we had any language barriers she would be able to helps us. Additionally, you are given a cellphone to use so that you can communicate with your coordinator there and also the clinic. You will also have a coordinator stateside that answers all of your questions, makes sure you have your meds, and is basically the liaison with the clinic. Our North American coordinator was Sue - she was amazing, always answering our emails on time or arranging phone calls if necessary. And, our coordinator in Brno was Denisa, she made us feel at home and made sure we knew what to expect at the clinic. Also, as part of the service, Denisa took us out for a real Czech meal. The biggest thing that swayed us was that myivfalternative clients have priority over patients that contact the clinic directly. Instead of having to wait a year, our wait was about 3.5 months from the time we signed the contract with Mag.

Cost
The cost at the time of signing up with this company was $7870 USD which includes the donor's fee, the IVF & ICSI, Freezing of embryos for one year, donor's drugs, as well as the fee for Mag's services. We also had sperm frozen there which cost 50 Euros (70USD). Our total spent including spending money, flights & accomodation was $12500-ish. This would pay for about a third to a half of what it costs in Canada/US for the same procedure.

The Clinic
I had heard nothing but great things about this clinic. This message board at Fertilityfriends.co.uk is specific to treatment in the Czech Repbulic and there is a ton of information about Reprofit. The clinic recently expanded, it is bright and modern. Most of the nurses speak English as well as other languages in addition to their Czech. Dr. Stepnan Machac is the lead doctor and is amazing. He just goes by his first name, pronounced Stefan. On the day of retrieveal, the surgery room was very modern and bright, they play technopop/relaxing music in there which I found slightly strange. We had a different doctor for the transfer - Marcel - he looks really young, but is 35 years old. He speaks English, but it's not great and he doesn't have very good bedside manner, but he gets the job done. The one thing to note about this clinic is that they do not give you pictures of your embryos so you have to remember to take a camera with you so that you can take a picture of the screen in the surgery that they use to show you the embryos. Oh, and after retrieval you call on days 2 and 3 to find out how your embryos are doing. You're given a number to call between 1pm and 2pm. If it's the weekend, it can be tough to get an answer because the Dr. is seeing patients and answering that line. On the day of my first appointment to have my ultrasound, we were sitting in the waiting room and we noticed that there were other couples like us but also single, much younger women as well. So the donors are in the same room with you. We may have seen our donor.

Donors
The women are young usually between 19 and 24 although ours was 29 years old and proven. You are able to describe in as much detail as you would like, the donor you are looking for to match you. I also sent a picture of myself to them. The donors are completely anonymous, you basically get age, hair colour, eye colour, height, complexion, education (if you ask for it), if they cleared the std and genetic testing and also if they are proven. This suited me since I became completely overwhelmed with other places that allowed you to see pictures. I became too worried about finding a clone of myself and it created too much stress for me.

Brno
It's the second largest city in Czech and the city centre is very nice. We stayed at the Hotel Europa which had very good rooms and includes breakfast with your stay. It's about a 10 to 15 minute walk to the city centre, but I think it was worth staying there as it's much quieter there and there's also a big park for walking/jogging just up the road. We didn't do many touristy things in Brno as we were lucky enough to have free accomodations in Prague and that is where we spent most of our time. The Student Agency bus costs $11 per person one way to/from Brno and Prague. It's about a 2 and a half hour ride - they play a movie that you can listen to in English and offer hot chocolate/coffee as part of your fare.

Overall Experience
Both H. and I are very happy with our decision to use myivfalternative and the clinic Reprofit. We would definitely use them again if necessary. Some poeple have said that paying the extra fee for Mags's business rather than going straight to the clinic is a waste, but for us it took a lot of the worry out of things. We didn't have to worry about a language barrier or figuring out how to get to and from our hotel or clinic. I guess it's whatever floats your boat.

Oh, I forgot, there are other services offered - e.g. PGD, donor sperm, donor embryo, regular IVF. I don't know about forwarding frozen sperm there, but I think it could probably be done.

ETA - The clinic freezes the embryos and keeps them in Brno, you cannot ship them back to Canada (that I'm aware of).

home

We made it home with no delays and really no problems yesterday. By the time we got in our door, it was around 9pm or 3am Czech time. I called my Mom to let her know we'd made it home and hit the sack. I was up at 3:30am the first time - 9:30am - Czech time, but made myself sleep in until 6:30. I'm trying to acclimate back to the time here as quickly as possible.

I'm trying to remain positive about our little czech experiment, but it's difficult. I'm not used to being positive about these things. I wish that there was a test they could do right away to give your the thumbs up or to let you know right away that things didn't work. Either way we'll know soon enough.

Heading Home

We came back to Prague yesterday and finished up our vacation/project by picking up some souvenirs - there is a lot of crap here to buy! It looks like the skies are open for flying and we should be home tonight. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed.

Only snafu is that H. and I aren't sitting together on the 8 hour flight back to Canada. That kind of sucks, but at least I can zone out and watch movies. And, it gives us an excuse to get up and walk around to see each other. (He's in row 16 on the right side of the plane and I'm in row 35 on the left side). Bummer.

We won't know the outcome of our trip over here for a while, but I already feel like it's been successful to a certain extent. From the minute we knew that we had 5 embryos, I began to think of them as mine. Not embryos from another woman and my husband. Mine. Ours. I'm invested. I had a lot of misgivings and was very worried that I wouldn't bond with a donor egg child. I've already bonded with these little embryos that are floating around inside me right now. We're choosing to believe that this will work, we are talking about things in the positive. Like H said, we might as well be optimistic and if we have to we'll deal with the fall out later.

I'm going to do a review of my entire experience shortly... I want to do it before we get the results so that it is as accurate as I can be without being swayed to one side or the other. Succinctly, the clinic and doctors were really good to work with and if need be we'd definitely use their services again.

Off to breakfast now and then to the airport...

PUPO

Last night I had a tough time falling asleep. I knew that this morning would be a defining movement for me and H. We had called on Day 3 to find out how the embryos were doing, but the lab doesn't take calls on Day 4 so we were both just hoping for the best. We arrived at the clinic at 11am for our 11am appointment, they were running behind and we didn't get seen until around 12noon. We met with the Dr (Marcel) and he explained that things were looking excellent. We still had 5 embryos all blastocysts, 2 HBgr1 (hatching blasts grade 1), 2 XBgr1 (I forget what the B stands for) and 1 EBgr2 (expanding blastocyst, a lower grade). We put two back (the highest embryos - HBgr1).

The transfer was a little painful, Marcel had a bit of a tough time with my cervix. The transfer itself went really well. We forgot that we could take a picture of the embryos prior to transfer and forgot to bring the camera with us. Oh well, if we're lucky enough to get pregnant, there will be plenty of photo opportunities later on.

After the transfer I laid on the table for about 10 or 15 minutes and then I was released. Before we left, I was given my instructions to follow for the next couple of weeks and also given the beta day date. We were also told that it looks like we will definitely have two embryos frozen. They'll email is in a week or so to let us know although they freeze on Day 6.

Afterward, we walked down into the the city centre for lunch. It was beautiful, much more beautiful than I would have thought. Hopefully, when we get home I'll be able to post some of our shots. Tonight our coordinator here will be taking us out for a true Czech meal. Should be interesting. I've been told that the pork knee is a true delicacy, we shall see.

Thank-you for all of your support over the last week, and for cheering me on. It's been so incredible to log in and see the comments you've been posting. Sorry I haven't been able to follow along with you, but I'll soon be home and cheering you all on as well.

Checking in

4 embryos at 8 cell
1 embryo at 6
and 1 bonus embryo that joined the fray, 4 cells

Back to Brno tomorrow, transfer on Tuesday.

Heard about the volcano erupting in Iceland? Ya, no idea how we're going to get home if the flights don't start back up soon. At least we've got a free place to stay in Prague if we need it.

That's all for now. Hope that you're all doing wonderfully!

Hello from Prague

Just a quick note to let you know how things are going so far. Went to the clinic on Thursday, my lining was 10 or 11mm, so extra fluffy. Then H went and did his deposit and had some blood taken. We filled out a bunch of forms and before we left we were told that they got 9 eggs, 7 were mature. Called to follow up today and 5 fertilized. Transfer is scheduled for Tuesday. We call again tomorrow to find out how the embryos are doing. (BTW, I love the Dr.! He's absolutely awesome!)

Also, Prague is amazing. We've done so much site seeing today (I think we walked about 10km). We had been planning to return to Brno tomorrow afternoon, but as long as the call goes well tomorrow, we're probably going to stay in Prague until the afternoon of the 19th.

Hope everyone is doing well!

So Long, Farewell....

We are in the final stages of getting ready to leave tomorrow night. The dogs are accounted for, my FIL will be taking care of the mail (and dripping toilet) for us. We just have a few odds & ends to buy, pack our suitcases and then off we go.

I can't really wrap my head around the idea that there is a woman growing eggs for me right now. I don't get updates about how she's doing, so I won't know anything until Thursday.

H. is bringing his laptop with us and there's free internet at our hotel in Brno, so I may be able to post an update at some point.

Ciao for now!