Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tick Tock

I still haven't got my FSH number from the clinic. (left another message today). I am in this holding pattern and it's driving me crazy. I am not a patient person; once I start something I want it to be finished. H. says I like to be able to cross things off my list and to a large extent he is correct. I feel like we're fighting time and that when we went to the clinic that we'd be given a plan to work with. But, that's not the case, we're still waiting for outstanding blood test results - immunology tests that can take up until a month to be processed. The blood tests were done on April 1st, so the results still aren't due back for another week or two.

I am so scared to know the FSH level - if it's over 10 then we know we have an uphill battle. Over 20 and we're screwed. But, here's the thing, I just want to know. I want to be able to deal with whatever we have to deal with. I think if we get that label of "unexplained fertility" I will definitely go nuts because that wishy-washy non-explanation will do me in.

On a slightly hopeful note, I started using my OPK yesterday. No smiley face yet. So far this month I'm not having the weird cycle where right after AF ends, the egg-white CM flows. And, it's not like the other long cycles I've had where the CM goes completely missing. I'm hoping against hope that this is a "normal" cycle. 25 days or so, O on day 10 or 11. H. already is on notice that he should get a lot of sleep and keep the boys on notice - there could be some actual scheduled BDing in our future!

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