Feeling blah

I went to my naturopath/acupuncturist today. I was not in a great mood… just read that the pregnant man is pregnant again. It makes me feel like such a defect – a so-called man can get pregnant it seems at will and I can’t. Just pisses me off. I say ‘so-called’ because men don’t have the reproductive organs to get pg, so you can’t really call yourself a man if you’re using your body to perform female functions. Of course this is just my opinion- to each their own.

Anyway as per usual, I brought my chart from the previous cycle with me. It’s truly a beautiful chart – triphasic and everything. I talked to Dr. W about how I had been feeling, symptoms, cramps, temps etc. She basically confirmed what I had already been thinking – last month was a chemical pregnancy. The kicker was that the chart was triphasic which is not normal for me.

I was feeling a little crazy thinking it was a chemical and being sad because I hadn’t tested. I didn’t have concrete proof that it had really occurred. But, I trust my body and Dr. W trusts my body and what it was showing. So, I’m going to say it. I was pregnant and now I’m not.

My heart aches a little at writing that. I told my husband and two friends about this. You know what they all said… “you have to take the positive away from this… you know you can get pregnant – that’s half the battle” You know what I wanted to say back to all 3 of them “fuck you.” But I value my husband and my friends so I just nodded and absorbed the blows.

So, I move on. Hopefully next time I will get pg and stay pg until the time has come to hold a healthy baby.