Here I am sitting at my desk, watching the minutes tick by until I get to go for my fabulous acupuncture appointment and then it happened - a woman in my office standing in the middle of our group of cubicles talking about being made fun of because she’s going to get fat.
I got run over by the drive by pregnancy announcement. Then I got pulled into a conversation about her due date being December 25th and how that sucks for the kid etc etc. Now this woman is fabulous – she really is. And, I’m really happy for her.
I could have lived without hearing about how they were just supposed to be “practicing”. Sigh. I just kept smiling and nodding and feeling like a complete fraud.
You see even though I am sincerely happy for her, I have these thoughts that flit through my brain that I force myself to ignore. You know thoughts about how I would kill to get pregnant. And, now that she’s announced I’m definitely not getting my bfp this month. Or how I would kill to have a baby at any time regardless of if it’s inconvenient for me. Or how I really do feel like a fraud or that I’ve somehow gone off track and ended up in fertile land. Oh look at all of us fertile ladies that just get pregnant by lying on our back and throwing our legs in the air. I’m such a phony in these conversations. I’ll be lucky if my husband is in the room when I get pregnant.
On a positive note, I’m not sad or depressed at all. I am genuinely happy for my co-worker and I’m not going to torture myself by thinking any further past that emotion.
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3 comments:
Oh those times and situations are so difficult! It's like we DO feel happy for others but one can't help but still feel sad about their own situation though! You are such a sweet person though!
Oh petal, I sooo know the sinking feeling in the stomac and the heart that skips a beat. But I wouldn't say that it's a bad sign, she may just start the series of announcement! I am so hopeful for you my friend, hold tight! Love, Fran
I'm glad you're not feeling sad or depressed. The drive by pregnancy announcements can be difficult - but it sounds like you're handling it really well :-)
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