Something has been bugging me a little bit and subconsciously it’s been on a slow burn. A couple times H has said to me that he could get another woman pregnant and that he’s got working parts. And, isn’t it great of him to stand by me, because, you know, some guys wouldn’t. I mean. W. T. F!!! I know logically that it’s true. He has great sperm and he could get another woman pregnant. But what does he want, a medal? I feel like telling him not to do me any favours and not to play the martyr.
Our relationship is not solely dependent on my ability or lack thereof to get pregnant. So why would the decision to stay or go be based on that?
It just irks me that I’m married to a fertile! (who is infertile by proxy)
Disclaimer: He doesn’t mean it the way it sounds. And, I know he sees my problems as ours. It’s just irksome – you know?
Edited to Add: Thank-you for your support! My husband isn't a jerk. I would say he's non-thinking at times. I think he was really worried that there was something wrong with his junk and was just glad that there wasn't. And, he doesn't want to have children with anyone but me. It did bother me that he said it though. So, thanks for letting me vent.
7 comments:
My friend, of course he doesn't mean it the way it sounds but it still is an unfair comment. I think you may try and find some very subtile female way to get back to him...let's see..."Darling you know, I could be with a great chef and yet I'm staying with you!" I know a relationship is made up of a lot of different things but if he wants a baby with you (and not with anyone else) that's unfortunately the way to go! Love, Fran
You're totally justified being irked. I would be much more than irked! Tensions will be high during these two weeks. Stay busy!
I'm in the same situation as you - DH has excellent sperm, and it's me with the problems (1 blocked tube and old eggs). I have felt extremely guilty over the last year and a half as we stressed ourselves out and drained our bank account for treatments. In fact, I think everyone that has a fertility "issue" puts a tremendous amount of guilt on themselves and feels horrible for all the things the other partner has to do "because of us". We really don't need the extra guilt of hearing any kind of remark from our partners - we do enough to ourselves!
I know as a woman, I felt especially down on myself - isn't the ability to bear children something that defines a woman, etc. etc., and it was really helpful to hear the supportive and reassuring things my DH would say. To know he only wanted children with me and that he would rather adopt with me than have a biological with anyone else... Now is the time for support and reassurances, not remarks that make you feel worse about yourself.
Wow. Someone in my house would end up with a black eye. It doesn't matter if he doesn't mean it, the fact he voices that at all is not cool. I'm sorry he's such a freaking jerk when you are already feeling as low as you can get. :(
*big hugs*
From my experience, men don't really know what they are saying. When I got my endo laparascopy, I couldn't eat from midnight the night before. It was supposed to be at 11 the next day, but got bumped until 1, which meant I was STARVING. My DH, who got to eat breakfast and a morning snack, dared to complain how hungry he was at 12:45. I told him flat out to keep his butt in the seat until I went to surgery. Argh! Men! is right :-) But we love them for their foolishness...
I don't think he means it in a jerkish way, nor does he mean to hurt you. I know it's hard to see that, but I think the stress and frustration of infertility gets to him too and that's when it comes out that way. I think he's frustrated at infertility (period). It is such a hard and frustrating journey.
Of course he loves you and wants children with you and only you.
**hugs**
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