Today's follow up.

Went in for my cd7 follow up appointment. Still nothing on my left ovary and still 3 small ones on my right. I am so hopeful that this month we'll actually make it to IUI and not be told "oops you're ovulating early, nothing we can do, go forth and fornicate". They also tested my prolactin today, not sure why and at this point I can't be bothered asking.

I talked to my nurse about the clots etc and it was definitely not a chemical pregnancy. She said that fibroids or cysts in the ute can often throw clots like that. I have had two SHGs (one just a few months ago) and both came back as normal pertaining my ute. I hope it was just my body clearing out the old stuff and hopefully making a nice little nest for our future babe.

Today I gave a friend a link to a site that lists successes for women with high fsh. The women all list how far along they are and also the method they used to get pregnant. I find that this list can give women like me so much hope and faith in what we're doing. However, the longer I go along dealing with this crap I feel like those women are the exceptions not the rule. There are exceptions and I pray that I will be one, but the majority of women like me will not get pregnant naturally and will not get pregnant via IVF because we don't produce enough eggs. I wish there was a magic potion I could take that would guarantee that I could move from being the rule to the exception. I wish I knew how the women that became exceptions got on that magical list. What did they do that I didn't? How are they more deserving than I am? This is one of the main reasons that I have (we have) decided to go with donor eggs. I do believe that if persistence was the only factor that eventually we will become pregnant. But, I don't want to go through the next god know's how many months/years counting days, and having forced, baby-making sessions, and being poked & prodded. There is no guarantee in anything - even adoption, but I want to give myself and my husband the best chances of forming a family while we're still young enough to appreciate it.

That said, I'm still hoping for a miracle, since we have essentially got the date of April 15th, it means I don't have to start taking BCP until February. We have two cycles left. Please let there be a miracle for us.

UPDATE
My estrogen actually dropped to 40 from 65 so I don't have to go back to the clinic until Monday. I found out why they are testing my prolactin. Actually, it's a re-test. Apparently they test for prolactin every 6 months. My last one came back slightly eleveated so that's not good and they are sending it to a provincial lab to be re-tested. I've researched elevated prolactin, and in terms of fertility it's not a good thing as it interferes with implantation. It can be linked to hypothyroidism, pcos, or a tumour on the pituitary gland. It's treatable with meds. How fucking ironic, we decide to move to donor eggs and now I may have a problem with implantation. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but seriously, why does this have to happen. Isn't running out of eggs at age 38 enough of a kick in the head?