13W4D - Sitting in Limbo

H. and I have made the heart-wrenching decision to reduce the twins from this pregnancy. It's been incredibly difficult and now we are just waiting to find out when the procedure will take place. We called the doctor to let him know of our decision last Tuesday and we still have not heard back from him. There was a stat holiday last Thursday and the clinic was closed from Thursday through the weekend, so I guess it is expecting a lot to think they would have called us back more quickly. It's just that with the decision made, we need to move forward. The basic reasons for making the decision came down to my health (there are very high risks of preclampsia for me), and to the health of the pregnancy. This gives us the best chance of having a healthy baby at the end of everything.

There are no guarantees anywhere with this decision, but we're hoping that we've made the best decision with all of the information that has been provided to us (as well as through our own research).

Please do not leave comments about how you know of a woman in a similar situation and her babies survived or thrived. I am happy that she had a successful outcome, but she is an exception not the norm. It's like saying to an infertile person that you know someone who as soon as they stopped actively TTC'ing that they got pregnant. Again that is the exception, most infertile women don't get that lucky.

I left another voice mail with my doctor's office last night. I am hoping that they'll call me back today to let me know what's going on. H. and I are on vacation next week and will not be available. They have told us that the longer we wait to do the procedure the higher the chance of losing the whole pregnancy. I don't understand what is taking them so long to organize things. I hate dealing with the medical profession.

We have had to change the way that we communicate with each other about the pregnancy. We tend to talk about the babies e.g., "the babies are really hungry today" or "the babies are making me so sick". Now we have to change our way of talking to talk about "the baby". It's a tough transition to make.

As to the pregnancy, I'm still pretty sick, but not all the time like it was before. I still throw up at least once a day although there are days now that I'm fine. My belly is protruding more now and it's a lot more round. I haven't gained any weight yet and all of my clothes still fit. Guess that has a lot to do with how over-weight I was before getting pregnant.

I'm very scared about going through with the procedure and the impact it could have on us - like losing the entire pregnancy. I'm tired and I wish that after the struggle we went through to get here that we could have had an uneventful pregnancy. I think that until the baby is born, healthy, with all the necessary bits and is crying in my arms that I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no innocence allowed for me, I'm not allowed to go through anything naively expecting it all to work out.

Edited to Add: I got a call from my high risk OB, I have an appointment tomorrow at 2pm to meet with the doctor who will be performing the procedure. Depending on how the appointment goes, the procedure may be performed tomorrow as well.