Last week, my box of meds arrived in the mail. The delivery guy left it on my front step. I'm not sure how long it was out there, but the Dipherline (lupron depot) is not supposed to be frozen so I'm not sure if the meds are ruined or not. Still talking to the pharmacist about it. If I need to get a new dose, I will have it shipped to my office that way I know for sure that it won't sit out for hours in the cold.
Then, on the weekend, I got an email from myivfalternative representative S., my protocol is ready. This is all becoming so much more real. On March 22nd I take my depot shot and will take my last bcp. Woohoo! I can't wait to get off these stupid things. I will then start taking my estrogen pills. April 8th will be my ultrasound and then April 15 is the donor's egg retrieval, with April 19th to 20th being the expected time for transfer. At some point in there I will also have to start taking crinone once a day.
I haven't received my donor info yet, but I think I'll get that sometime at the end of March.
I am feeling a little better these days. After the last time I wrote that I hadn't had a panic attack, I guess I must have tempted the fates and ended up having to leave work because I had a doozy of one. Over the weekend I had one minor one that I was able to talk myself past - it was at the movies. We saw Shutt.er Is.land. Weird movie. Not a very good choice for someone who 1. is having panic attacks and 2. feels like she's losing her mind.
I am trying to get an acupuncture appointment for today or tomorrow instead of Thursday as I have a presentation that day that interferes with my appointment time.
Wednesday is the psych appointment and I am counting down the days to my stress test.
The thing that is on my mind today is the flight to Frankfurt (the major leg of the trip to Brno). I am a big person and I hate those tiny little seats on the plane, plus there's never any leg room. Add to that the anxiety I'm experiencing and all I can imagine is what a nightmare the flight is going to be. I'm dreading it. Also, going into these types of procedures we're always told that we need to manage our stress, keep relaxed etc. I just don't see how I'll be able to relax on the flight over, but also the flight home is when we hopefully will have a couple of little beans tucked away. I don't want to be stressed about the seat size or anxiety attacks on the way home. All that to say, that I'd really like to upgrade our seats to business/first class. H. thinks it's a waste of money, but I think, even if it's $1000 each that it's worth it for the peace of mind I'll be given. Am I overthinking this?
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7 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about the recent panic attacks...I know how awful they can be because I got them for a while in my early twenties. The only thing I found that helped was counting. I'm glad to hear you have all kinds of things lined up to move forward - acupuncture, the consult, the protocol, the stress test...I hope all of these help you to feel productive and focused on something (sometimes that's all it takes!).
What you're saying about the plane trip makes a lot of sense to me...Because really, it's one thing in itself to decide to do a DE cycle (a big decision with a lot of emotion attached to it) and then it's another to travel to a foreign country to do it (as travelling is stressful in itself, even without a medical procedure). I completely understand your concern about being relaxed and comfortable on the way there and back. I am claustrophobic and I have wigged out in economy class, so I totally get it. I honestly don't think you're overthinking it and if you guys can afford it, I think this is as good a time as any to go Business Class. There are so few things we can control in this IF business, so I say all the power to you to control what you CAN! Make it as pleasant and comfortable an experience as possible in my opinion, for what it's worth.
I know you're dealing with a lot right now, hon, and I just want you to know I'm 100% here for you. (And you're being very sweet to read and comment on my blog lately, but please know that you don't have to - my 2ww's tend to be hell on wheels, as you know, so don't put yourself through it! ;-)
Lots of Love,
Maddy
No experience with panic attacks for me, plus I'm a fairly relaxed traveller. Compared to european flights the long hoal flights seem spacious, as I don't have to take out the travel magazines from the seat on front of me before I sit down and crush my knees...
Maybe bring the flight question to your counsellor, on how to manage stress? My tactic for flying from London to Sydney was to get a massage during the Asia stopover. Less expensive, and something to look forward to for me. Good luck with the not worrying!
How about getting the business class just for you if hubby doesn't mind. Or ask about a sedative to relax you? Just something mild. You counselor might have some idea's to help you through it. I too hate those long flights. Would an aisle seat help if you don't spring for business class? Even for just the long leg home it might be worth it.
I wonder if the airline would put you in the emergency exit row or bulkhead if you called and mentioned the anxiety and panic attacks? On the other hand, if it's worth it to you to pay whatever the upgrade to business would cost, and you can afford it, this seems like as good a time as any to do it.
Otherwise, I'd be taking some gravol and maybe getting an anxiolytic to take with me (like ativan). Even on the way back, the embryos won't be sharing a bloodstream with you yet, so a little ativan shouldn't be a worry.
I feel for you on the cramped seats though - DH and I are both 6' tall, and it's a tight tight squeeze at times!
I wouldn't be too worried about the meds, I am sure they are fine! and yeah for getting the protocol!! One step closer and March is already here!
Sorry you are still feeling a bit stressed out, and maybe the upgrade for the flights is the way to go (I'd love to fly business and never did!) at least that won't be adding to the rest. When are you flying over? Much love, Fran
Ugh on the panic attacks! I'm so sorry you are plagued with these effers and hope you are able to find a way to ward them off through one of the methods you are trying.
I know it is so easy to just say to splurge for the plane tickets, but it's different when you are the one footing the bill. Maybe something to bring up at your psych appt this week. Maybe there is another way, but if not, you will know that you worked through all your options before footing the extra cash for the upgrade.
Hang in there.
I've had my share of panic attacks, and they are no fun. I did get some pretty good advice and techniques from a therapist on how to deal with them. I hope you get the same.
Business class sounds like a fine idea, if you can afford it. Especially on those long flights to Europe. I get to fly business class when I go with my hubby, but he is a 1Ker, so he gets upgrades all the time. Not only are the seats roomy, you can lay your seat totally flat and really sleep when you need to.
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