Less than a month...

Um, did you see my ticker - over there to the right? It says there are 28 days left until we leave. Holy crap! 28 days, that's less than a month. Today, I'm in a much better place than I have been in a while in regards to our trip overseas. It's a big deal and there's a lot that I'm scared of - particularly if this doesn't work. Surprisingly, one of the biggest fears has been what if it does. This is the closest I have ever felt to actually being successful at getting pregnant. I really feel that donor eggs will get us pregnant. Do you know what that means? I'll have a baby and be a Mom and have all of that responsibility. My life will no longer be my own. This makes me want to laugh out loud at myself. What the hell did I think this was all about? The injections and pills and suppositories and acupuncture and stress and worrying and just plain everything - what the heck did I think we were doing?!

Now that I know that this is something I've been worrying about I can deal with it. I mean, I felt like I've been ready to be a Mom for a while, I guess the reality of it actually happening - us actually being in the game - kind of had me spooked.

I want to be a Mom more than anything, it's not going to be easy, but I will acclimate, H. will help me and I know my parents and my brother & his girlfriend will help too.

Isn't it funny how the mind works. Here I thought I was really worried about it failing (oh there's that there too), but it's also been about it working. That makes sense - I've spent so much time thinking about how I'll bond with the baby and how connected I'll feel and how to make myself more connected.. these are all outcomes of it actually working. Who knew - there was actually some positivity at the bottom of all of this.