Cat's out of the bag

So, it was my Mom's birthday last week and to celebrate we went to her house so she could cook us dinner. (Roast, yorkshire pudding, mashed potatoes and gravy - yum!). It came out over dinner that the owner of the restauarant that I spoke about a couple of posts ago forwarded the blogpost to my brother. So, despite that asshole not knowing about customer service and how to make an apology ('cause you know if he had just spoken to my bro I would never have posted about his restaurant), I'm the one that ended up getting screwed in the end. I have never shared this blog with anyone in my family (except for H); not one of my friends knows about it either. This has been my safe place to blog all of the shit that I have gone through and how I've felt and am feeling. I don't have to worry about editing myself in case I hurt someone's feelings.

Now the cat's out of the bag. I don't think my bro would read this blog and I really hope he didn't pass it on to my parents. Not that it's a really bad thing, but I feel like my anonymity has been completely compromised.

Who knows, if he has, maybe they'll get a better understanding of exactly how tough this has been for me.

My initial reaction was to stop writing, but that would just take away a much needed release for me. So, I'm going to continue writing.

So, here we go... one more week and I get my shot lupron depot. I've been asked a couple of times why the lupron and from my understanding the lupron will throw me into a false menopause - that way my ovaries don't produce any follicles and I won't ovulate on my own. Which I think could compromise the transfer. On Monday march 22nd, I have the depot shot and also take the last BCP or as I call them poison pills. I will then wait until I get my period. On the first day of my period I start taking estrogen pills to help build my lining and then on April 8th I go for my transvag u/s to check my lining. Then on April 13th we leave for Brno. April 15th will be the donor's egg retrieval and either April 18th/20th will be the transfer.

The excitement is really starting to build.

On a panic attack note, I'm still having the chest pains, I'm going to go to a chiropractor next week and see if there's anything that s/he can do for me. I should have my results from my stress test next Monday as well. I have had a couple of minor tremors - nothing like the attack I had on Thursday, but for the most part I'm feeling better. I took today off work just to sleep. When I sleep I don't feel the pains and my mind isn't racing; it just gives me relief from everything. Not a very healthy way of dealing with things, but as a short term fix it works for me. Actually, after that one I had on Thursday I was just completely exhausted and really didn't have a chance to recover fully from it physically. I am feeling much more rested today.

I just want this to be gone and I'm hoping that once I'm off the bcp things will settle down a little bit.