Monday, July 05, 2010

13W4D - Sitting in Limbo

H. and I have made the heart-wrenching decision to reduce the twins from this pregnancy. It's been incredibly difficult and now we are just waiting to find out when the procedure will take place. We called the doctor to let him know of our decision last Tuesday and we still have not heard back from him. There was a stat holiday last Thursday and the clinic was closed from Thursday through the weekend, so I guess it is expecting a lot to think they would have called us back more quickly. It's just that with the decision made, we need to move forward. The basic reasons for making the decision came down to my health (there are very high risks of preclampsia for me), and to the health of the pregnancy. This gives us the best chance of having a healthy baby at the end of everything.

There are no guarantees anywhere with this decision, but we're hoping that we've made the best decision with all of the information that has been provided to us (as well as through our own research).

Please do not leave comments about how you know of a woman in a similar situation and her babies survived or thrived. I am happy that she had a successful outcome, but she is an exception not the norm. It's like saying to an infertile person that you know someone who as soon as they stopped actively TTC'ing that they got pregnant. Again that is the exception, most infertile women don't get that lucky.

I left another voice mail with my doctor's office last night. I am hoping that they'll call me back today to let me know what's going on. H. and I are on vacation next week and will not be available. They have told us that the longer we wait to do the procedure the higher the chance of losing the whole pregnancy. I don't understand what is taking them so long to organize things. I hate dealing with the medical profession.

We have had to change the way that we communicate with each other about the pregnancy. We tend to talk about the babies e.g., "the babies are really hungry today" or "the babies are making me so sick". Now we have to change our way of talking to talk about "the baby". It's a tough transition to make.

As to the pregnancy, I'm still pretty sick, but not all the time like it was before. I still throw up at least once a day although there are days now that I'm fine. My belly is protruding more now and it's a lot more round. I haven't gained any weight yet and all of my clothes still fit. Guess that has a lot to do with how over-weight I was before getting pregnant.

I'm very scared about going through with the procedure and the impact it could have on us - like losing the entire pregnancy. I'm tired and I wish that after the struggle we went through to get here that we could have had an uneventful pregnancy. I think that until the baby is born, healthy, with all the necessary bits and is crying in my arms that I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no innocence allowed for me, I'm not allowed to go through anything naively expecting it all to work out.

Edited to Add: I got a call from my high risk OB, I have an appointment tomorrow at 2pm to meet with the doctor who will be performing the procedure. Depending on how the appointment goes, the procedure may be performed tomorrow as well.

11 comments:

Michelle D said...

Just wanted to say thinking of you. Hope they get things together quickly for you and it goes smoothly. Take care.

CHAR said...

I am thinking of you- What a very hard decision. Sending so much love your way.

Fran said...

Sweetie, I can only imagine how difficult this is. You are in my thoughts and prayers for tomorrow. Much love, Fran

Dreams and False Alarms said...

((((((((((((((((((((((HHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)))))))))))))))))))))))

Phoebe said...

I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that I understand what you are going through. I think you are very brave. These are decisions that no one should have to make. I'll be thinking of you and sending you love.

Kate said...

So so sorry you're having to deal with such a heartbreaking decision after all you've gone through. Hope all goes as smoothly as possible with the procedure, and that you continue to feel that what you're doing is necessary for your health and that of your future take-home baby.

ks said...

Good Luck today! I will be thinking of you and praying for your little bean. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Take care of yourself.
((hugs))

S said...

Sweet Georgia, you are in my thoughts. I have no words of assvice (or wisdom for that matter) to offer, as I know you are making an unspeakably painful choice with the best information available.

I'll be looking forward to reading your next post.

Valery said...

Oh Sweet Sweet G, I've been thinking of you every day since your last post, thinking how your decision is so much harder,and so much more pressing than I can even begin to imagine. You are so brave for doing what you need to do, so brave for facing reality rather than dreaming of an unlikely miracle. Keep the twins in your dreams and may you have the healtiest strongest baby in a few more months. So sorry that life is so hard sometimes. Take care, and hope you can recover on your holiday.

Nix said...

I think that must be one of the hardestand most heart wrenching decisions to make! I just want to wish you all the best and hope that that everything goes well.

iamstacey said...

I'm so sorry you had to make this decision. IF never gives us a break. Every happy event is tinged with worry or another sad choice to make. It sucks. I'll be thinking of you at your appointment.