Friday, July 30, 2010


Yesterday we made it to 17 weeks. I am feeling pretty good, and have gained a little weight back now that I am able to keep things down for the most part. I'm still occasionally throwing up in the morning, but nothing like it was before. I ordered a snoogle yesterday also, because while I'm sleeping ok right now, I know that soon it will be a problem for me and I want to be prepared.

I got dressed for work yesterday and the black pants that I put on have two buttons at the waist. I could only do up one of the buttons, the lower one just wouldn't do up. I guess I'm starting to get a baby pooch. I was oddly excited by this.

At work, I decided to look into the amount of money I'll be getting on unemployment while I'm off on maternity leave. Our gov't will pay up to a maximum of 55% of your salary or a certain dollar amount. Well, I'll be making 36% of my salary which really sucks. I put a whole budget together and sent it to H. to review. We ended up getting into a major fight last night about money and how there's so much pressure on him because he makes so much more money than me. And, how I haven't done anything to help our situation e.g., by finishing my degree earlier or getting a higher paying job. He had valid points, but we've gone over this stuff so many times and we are where we are that to me there's no point in re-hashing what got us here. It's having to make a plan to go forward that we need to focus on. The truth is I should have changed jobs, but the job I'm in has so demoralized me that I just don't feel suitable for anything. I have looked and looked for jobs that I think will suit my schools - either I don't feel qualified enough or the jobs just don't appeal to me. There are weeks and months that I have spent my work day trolling job sites and then there are weeks and months that I just bury my head in the sand. I also think that through all of it I was so focussed on getting pregnant that I just didn't think about the financial side of things once we have a baby. Today we're not arguing, but I also don't think we've settled anything.

When I went to bed last night I was not a happy person. I laid on our bed and thought about what had been said and worried myself silly about how bills are going to be paid etc and then I felt the most amazing thing. The babe was moving and I could feel her! It only happened for about 30 seconds and then it was gone, but it was the most weird and wonderful thing to have felt. She reminded me that regardless of what happens, she's going to be in our world. We'll just have to work it out. It's amazing to feel myself falling in love with this little girl. I already feel like I'm her Mom even if she's just in my belly at the moment. I talk to her and rub my baby pooch and tell her everything's going to be alright. And, it will be.

1 comment:

Kate said...

It will be all right. Babies don't need a lot of fancy stuff. They don't need the beautiful little outfits, or the perfectly decorated nursery. They need a safe and warm place to sleep and something to wear. Preferably second-hand, because they're just going to spit up and poop on it anyhow. And that cutesy nursery, they'll just grow out of that in 2 years anyhow. You can find cheaper second-hand toys that will serve her just as well as they did the first baby who used them.
If your baby has your love and attention, that's all she'll need to grow up happy and healthy. Not the $1000 stoller or anything like that.