Thursday, September 30, 2010

Update on Me

Today I am 26 weeks along, one more week and I will be in my third trimester. Time has really been flying. I am now showing, but in most of my clothes if you didn't know me you'd just think I am fat. I officially outgrew a pair of pants yesterday and had to go buy some maternity clothes (the safety pin I was using to keep my pants closed kept popping and jabbing me in the belly). I ended up buying 2 pairs of pants for work, 1 pair of jeans, 4 shirts and a bella band type thing. The entire bill was a little over $300 but with tax, it comes out to around $36 per item - which is pretty reasonable really. That should last me through to the end of my pregnancy and all I'll need to buy when the time comes is maternity underwear and bras. Maternity pants are weird... the panel thing feels like a girdle.

On Saturday we are going to a baby sale, it is put on by the multiples group here and is all used stuff. It should be interesting. I'm not sure what, if anything, we will buy, but maybe we'll get a good deal on a dresser or change table. Then that night we have a house-warming party to go to. It will be nice to see my friends; I feel like since becoming pregnant I have isolated myself from them.

H.'s schedule is finally slowing down so I'll get to spend more time with him as well.

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 15

Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Everyday that I'm writing these posts the questions are not easily answered. I can't think of anything that I've tried living without that I can't. I think it's a pretty melodramatic question. My Grandfather was one of the most influential people in my life and before he died I would have thought that I couldn't live without him in my life. It's been very difficult and there are still days that I cry just thinking about him, but I have been able to live and thrive without him. Isn't that human nature? We keep living and moving forward because that's what there is for us. We make the most of each moment (or at least most moments) and treasure the memories that we build.

Even, God forbid, if we had never been able to get pregnant, we would have somehow got through it. We would have continued living and being and thriving and building memories. They'd just be different experiences from the one we had expected to be living and making.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 14

A hero that has let you down.

I don't really have anyone that I've put on a pedestal and held up as a hero. There have been people I have admired, but no one that has really let me down. Sure there's Michael Vick and his dog fighting mess or Tiger Woods and his mistresses, there was OJ and the whole murder episode, but those have been things that I've followed with interest, but not really with that feeling of being let down.

I'm a Leafs fan, so I'm used to athletes not living up to my hopes. (For those of you not in the know, the Toronto Maple Leafs - a hockey team - have not one the Stanley Cup, or first place overall, since 1967 the last time they came anywhere close making it to the semi-finals was 1993.)

I am a big Brett Favre fan. 2 years ago, H. and I made a pilgrimage down to Lambeau Field to see the Packers play the Giants in the NFC championship. The Packers lost and I thought I had seen Favre's last game ever. He did retire that summer, then came back and played for the Jets, then retired and is now playing for the Vikings. I still love me some Favre, but I do feel a little let down that I didn't get to see his last game ever - just his last as a Packer.

It's weird that I can't really think of anyone that I've held dearly that has let me down. Well, there may be one person. I think having been molested at the age of 8, changed me. It made me realize early that people aren't always trustworthy and that the only person I can really count on is myself.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 13

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.

There is a Canadian group called Trooper that has a song called "Here for a good time". This song cheers me up every time I hear it. It is my anthem because I truly believe that we should be making the most out of the time we have.

Here's the song... you have to play it loud, learn the words and sing along...

On another note, I'm under 100 days now. holy crap.

Monday, September 27, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 12

Something you never get compliments on.

I kind of alluded to this in the last post - I don't get complimented on my intelligence very often. Upon further reflection I have realized that while it happens infrequently it does happen. In fact, I don't get complimented very often at all so it's difficult to answer this question.

I can't think of anything that I think I should be complimented on that I am not or have not been complimented on.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 11

Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I get complimented on my big blue eyes a lot and my dimples. Well, I get complimented/teased about my dimples and complimented on my eyes. I wish I was complimented on how smart I am or how witty, but really that does not happen all that much. Except by H. he thinks I'm extremely smart and capable - he's a wonderful man.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 10

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

This is a really tough one. Off the top of my head, nobody comes to mind. I have friends that I feel like I'm growing apart from, but I'm not ready to let the relationship go yet.

i think I'll have to give this one a little more thought.

Friday, September 24, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 9 & an Update

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I had a Best Friend when I was growing up. We met when we both moved into a new development with our families. We were 9 years old at the time. Her front door looked out on my backyard and we would play together every day. We were best friends from Grade 3 until near the end of high school. We would sign all of our birthday/Christmas cards "Best friends forever" and talked about how we'd still be friends when we were grown up and how our kids would be best friends just like us. It didn't work out that way. In high school we moved in different circles and just kind of grew apart. I haven't spoken to her in almost 20 years although I think of her quite regularly. Our parents still live across the street from one another, but our paths have never crossed in all of that time.

Update - 25 weeks.

Well, I went for a growth u/s and an OBGYN appointment today. Little G's estimated weight is 1lb 1oz and she's measuring a little behind at 24w4d. They checked the cord to make sure that the blood flow is ok, and I was told that it was perfect.... always nice to hear. I found out that my placenta has moved. It's not longer anterior, it is now previa. Meaning it is sitting over top of my cervix. Also, Little G is currently in a breech position. The doctor explains this as being normal for placenta previa, since the placenta is taking up the space at the base of my uterus, there's no room for the head. The doctor said that this can change, the placenta could move away from the cervix which will allow for the baby's head to move down into the normal position. But, in all likelihood, if things don't change, I will be having a scheduled c-section about 2 weeks prior to my due date. That puts us around December 22nd. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. My Mom had the same thing with me, but before her scheduled c-section, she went into labour at home and delivered the placenta, I was an emergency c-section. Time will tell.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 8

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I haven't been involved with many people who could fall into this category, thankfully. I had one ex-boyfriend that lied to me about everything - said he was adopted - he wasn't, stuff like that. He broke up with me early on in our relationship and I was completely fine with it, in fact, we remained friends. We got back together a couple of weeks later and were together for another 6 months. He cheated on me and broke up with me again. This time I was more invested in the relationship and he really hurt me. Looking back, I realize that we only got back together so that he could treat me like shit... I wasn't upset enough the first time.

It didn't take me long to realize that I was so much better off without him.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 7

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Hmmm, this is a really tough one. I have never thought my life wasn't worth living. Egotistically, I'd say that I have made my life worth living because I've fought through the adversity in my life and have come out of it for the better (in my humble opinion). Of course, there are people who have made a special presence in my life.

My Grandfather was a man that was larger than life to me. I am the 2nd oldest of 27 grandchildren and my Grandfather had the knack for making each of us feel like we were his favourite. He gave me the best hugs, and lip smacking kisses on the cheek and just made me want to be a better person to live up to/make myself worthy of the love he so easily gave.

My husband is another person who has made my life better. I never thought I'd find someone who would love me for me, who would see past the crap... have the patience to see past the crap and truly love me. Someone who would put my needs before his own. H. has done that for me and makes my life better for having him in it.

Little G, although technically not a person yet, has made me want to live a better life and be a better person. Her presence in my body has already made a difference for me.

My parents, my brother, my friends are all incredibly special people. I feel lucky to have all of them in my life.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

3 Day Challenge - Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do.

This is a really tough one for me to come up with. After some thought, I'd say that something I hope I never have to do is to be on welfare and face being homeless. For a long time I lived pay cheque to pay cheque and I could see how missing a couple pay cheques could send me out onto the street quickly. H and I have made a real effort to get our money under control and I no longer live pay cheque to pay cheque which is a relief. I do realize that there is very little that separates us from those unfortunate people who have found themselves out of work and down on their luck.

On another note, one of the reasons I found this post difficult to write is because I believe that what you focus on will come back to you and I am careful not to give somethings too much weight. I almost feel like I'm tempting fate by answering this question. There were other things that came to mind, but I really didn't want to put them in writing. Do you know what I mean?

Monday, September 20, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 5

Something you hope to do in your life.

Write a book and have it published. I have always loved writing for me, keeping track of my thoughts in a diary/journal/blog has just been a natural thing for me to do. Periodically, I will write short stories for myself as well. Recently, I wrote a short fairy tale for Little G that talks about how we used donor eggs. I still have some polishing of it to do, but one day I may share it here. Who knows.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 4

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

This is a tough one for me. I have done most of my forgiving already for things that happened in the past, simply because it was too much work to carry around with me. I guess, one person I need to forgive is myself - my body - for not working the way it was supposed to in order for me to get pregnant. I have carried around a lot of anger and frustration that my body wouldn't work the way a "normal" woman's would. So, that's who I'm forgiving today.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I forgive myself for leaving university after 2nd year and not returning until recently and all that surrounded that decision. I literally lost myself for a couple of years and have recently realized that it took going through that crappy time to become the person I am today.

Friday, September 17, 2010

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 2

Something you love about yourself...

I love that I know the words to all kinds of songs from various eras and that I love to rock out when I hear those songs. The only thing is I have the worse voice known to mankind. I don't let that stop me though as I belt out Elvis' Teddy Bear, or Trooper's Here for a good time. It just makes me feel great.

I am that person you see singing along to the radio stopped at the red light. Lost in my own little rock world and loving it.

Baby update...

24 weeks down, 16 to go. Holy crap, I'm not going to think about what that means.

Baby is moving lots, she's right around my belly button now.

In other news...

H. comes back from his two weeks at Wharton on Sunday and I can't wait to see him. It sounds like he has had the most amazing time and learned a lot about himself and also about the business world. I'm so proud of him for making this happen.

Tonight my brother is coming over for dinner and we're going to plan my parents 40th anniversary party. Shhh, it's a surpise. Their anniversary was on Sept 11th and we originally planned the party for Sept 25th, but my Mom is having her gallbladder out on Sept 24th (we just found out) and so we've had to move the date... we are now having the party on November 6th. My Mom really doesn't like being in the spotlight so I'm sure she'll be thinking that we're not doing anything for their anniversary...hahahaha!

Tomorrow I am going to my parents' place to meet my Mom and then she and I and my aunt are going out for lunch and then to do a little shopping - looking at strollers/car seats. It should be a fun day.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 1

I borrowed this idea from S at Misconceptions about Conception

Each day I post the answer to the question allotted for that day.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 1 - The thing that I hate about myself is my inability to control my weight. I have had a private journal at one point or another over most of my life. The running theme has always been that I hate my body - that I want to lose weight. The thing is I also was molested as a kid, so there's a certain security to having extra weight - e.g., being unattractive to men. I have healed as much as I can heal over what happened years ago, but I can't break the habit of being overweight. I am ready to be a healthy weight... I have no illusions of being model thin, but I'd like to be under 200lbs for the rest of my life.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I will be 24 weeks on Thursday and I'm feeling pretty good. Still throwing up occasionally, but I don't have all day bouts of nausea any longer. The latest is feeling the baby move. She's moving more and more every day. At first it started out as just sensations, kind of like something moving inside like doing flips in there. Now the movement is more like nudges and pushes. The other day I was having some belly time (lie on my back on the couch, open my pants to see my belly, rub belly and talk to babe) and she kicked and it was so cool. I could actually see my belly move where she kicked (or punched or elbowed). That was so weird to see my belly jump up from within.

Even though I've seen Little G numerous times on u/s and can now even feel her. I still get caught by surprise and think "OMG I'm pregnant". That happened this morning. After 3 years of trying, we're a little over halfway to achieving our dream.

On a non-pregnancy note, H has been at the WhartonSchoolofBusiness for the past week and will be there until this coming Sunday. It's the longest we've been apart since we met almost 10 years ago. He's doing an executive development program and from the sounds of things is enjoying every moment of it. We talk via Skyp almost every day, which has made being apart easier. I do have to admit that it's nice having the whole bed to myself. The dogs have become really sucky, following me everywhere I go, wanting to be beside me all of the time. This morning I was in the shower and I guess I hadn't fully closed the bathroom door, because suddenly it opened fully and when I looked out of the shower both dogs were curled up on the floor just waiting for me. It feels good to be loved. Well, I guess that's if you believe that animals can have that emotion.

In addition to H's schooling, I am currently completing two courses. One finishes at the end of November and the other the end of December. They are worth 1.5 credits and represent my last 1.5 credits required to finally get my degree. I left university years ago due to some very heavy personal stuff and it's been a struggle to get to this point. But, now I'm so close I can taste it. At the end of December 2010 I will have completed a Bachelor of Education in Adult Education. Woohoo! Then in Jan I'll have a baby and in April I'll turn 40. It's a year promising big changes.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

22 Weeks

Well, I'm 22 weeks along and things are looking good. I had an appointment yesterday with my high risk doctor and also an ultrasound to finish the anatomy scan - third time was the charm. The ultrasound was a little longer than expected because Little G still didn't want to cooperate, but after much moving around by me (rolling from side to side, sitting up etc) she was finally in a position for the tech to see her heart. I met with the Dr. and he went over my anatomy scan results - everything looks normal, I'm doing find - I have gained 3lbs in the last month. I think that's a total of 6lbs now over the course of my pregnancy, but I am still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My blood pressure was good as well. As a result, I have been released back to the low risk clinic and to my original OB. I am still going to go for monthly u/s just to make sure everything is on track the way it should be.

When the u/s tech was looking at the baby she said that Little G is really long and is going to be tall like me. That's weird. I guess I have to get used to people making those kinds of comments and just go along with it.