Saturday, January 22, 2011

4 Weeks Old

This past Thursday my darling girl turned 4 weeks old. Everyone says that time flies by and to enjoy every minute, but I truly didn't grasp just how quickly time would actually go.

Today she wore her first 0 - 3 months outfit, until now she has been exclusively in newborn clothes. A lot of the 0to3 stuff is too big for her still, but there you have it, she's growing. We have her 1 month appointment on Tuesday so I'll know then how much weight she's put on and just how much she's growing.

I'll tell you something, as much as I love her and I can't even quantify how much that is, there is a part of me that is sad. Everyone keeps saying how much she looks like H. H. will come home from work and say "so and so saw the pictures of Little G and they couldn't stop saying how much we look alike". I talk to my Mom and she says oh, I showed the pics of Little G to your Aunt or to my friend and they can't get over how much she looks like H." It breaks my heart a little, she will never look like me, there's nothing about her that could be mistaken for me. That part of the donor egg process is still tough to get over. I will get over it; it's not like my every waking moment is spend focused on it, but it is there none the less. I thought I was prepared for it, but I guess my skin is not quite toughened up yet. I'll get there. It's just tough.

Weirdly, at the same time as I am grieving the genetic link, I think that I have the baby that was meant to be mine. She was the one waiting in the wings for me to get my act together and come into my (our) life.


Kate said...

In some ways, embryo adoption must be easier because neither parent has the genetic link. You are her mother though, the one who successfully carried her through pregnancy and allowed her to grow strong. I hope these feelings subside soon, though I'd probably tell dh and my family (if they knew about DE) that the comments hurt and I'd rather not have them repeated to me.

Janice said...

Keri, just wait, even though there may not be a genetic link, people will say she looks like you. Lots of babies look like their fathers when they are first born. I promise, there will come a time when they will say she looks like you :) and even though they may not know the truth, I hope you can be proud to hear that.

Valery said...

Oh Sweet G, I'm so sorry it hurts. I do not know if it is any consolation, but I don't look much like my mother. It is very rare that someone says 'oh I can see you're mother and daughter' and when it happens I see my mother light up, even though I'm 38 now. So, even though no IF or DE is in her history I assume she still feels a bit like you do now. Best of luck and lots of love for you and your family!

Michelle D said...

Our girls are almost the same age. DH and I have DE twin girls. I don't know that either of them look like us. I've had two people tell me one looks like me and I just laugh inside. I think it is just small talk for people to say with babies. And I agree with Janice...the time will definitely come when someone will say your daughter looks or acts just like you. I look forward to that with DE babies to see what personality traits are passed by me (I believe a majority of that is nurture vs nature). Good luck. Look forward to reading more about your experience.

Anonymous said...

and just remember, even though the initial egg was from a donor, Little G used all your body for the building blocks as she formed and grew. You are very much inside her and a part of her make-up.