Thursday, January 06, 2011

Faulty body

Being pregnant was a reprieve for me from my faulty body. For the first time in a long time my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing. It nurtured and grew my beautiful baby girl. Before that, my ovaries basically shrivelled up before they were supposed to. Despite still getting my period every month my eggs were just no good and we couldn't get pg on our own.

Since giving birth, my body has reverted to it's faulty self. Now it's the breastfeeding thing. My breasts are not made for breastfeeding. I have gone to exclusively formula feeding. It has been a difficult transition emotionally for me because it is just one more thing that my body won't do properly. H has been amazing and supportive as i have worked through my feelings around this. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that we have a healthy baby girl. My body did the most important thing - growing our child.

As for how I am now, I am healing from the c section. It is very painful today I overdid it yesterday and now I am paying for it. The best side effect from having the baby has been the weightloss. I lost 28 pounds within a week of giving birth. I had only put on 2 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight so I have lost a total of 26 lbs. Crazy!

H and I are already talking about going back to Brno and using our frozen embryos. I am on the fence a little about this because I don't want to cheat Little G out of having her parents all to herself. If it works there will be almost 2years between kids. I know I sound like I am putting the cart before the horse, after all there are no guarantees that this will work. I need to be ready for whatever happens.

Update on Little G

She is doing well, gaining weight and is smiling alot albeit from gas. It is still so cute when the smiles come across here face.
She has her days and nights a bit mixed up but hopefully that will work itself out in the coming weeks.


iamstacey said...

Please let the weight fall off me like that, too! ;) I know it's hard not to feel bad about the breastfeeding, but your baby is healthy and that's what matters!
I haven't even delivered yet and I'm already thinking about when to get started trying for #2. I'm older so we don't have a lot of time to wait, so Ithink we'll be back on the IF wagon soon!

Fran said...

Sweet G. just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you, I read your birth story and how you have struggled with bf. I'm going through the same and not sure I'll be able to do it. Also I'm feeling very very emotional and struggling to put up a brave face...

you know, when I was in the hospital there was a lady 17w along with identical twins suffering diagnosed with TTS. She underwent a procedure to block off some blood vessels and save the biggest twin. Unfortunately I don't think it went well and she lost both. I thought of you so much and how difficult your decision must have been but also I do think it was the right decision, seeing the pain on that lady's face was almost unbearable. Much love, Fran

Lost in Space said...

I'm sorry to hear about the breastfeeding. After all you have been through to get here you should have had a free pass for something to just go your way. I'm sorry, my dear.

Kate said...

So sorry the breastfeeding didn't work out for you. I know the feeling, as I've also been very frustrated that my body couldn't just do what it was supposed to for once. I'm glad she's thriving on formula, and hope that the mommy guilt doesn't stick around for too long. You've done great by your baby, and you'll be a great mom whether you breastfeed or not!