Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A Little Sad

I am taking a break from playing catch up on my course work - I am doing my final course of a degree program and have left everything to the last minute to be completed. I hate that I do this to myself!

But, that's not why I am writing.

I have a friend who also went through IF and was lucky enough to finally be successful from her 2nd IVF with twins. She now is the mom of boy/girl twins and they are adorable. Every now and then she will post pics on facebook of them hugging each other or biting each other or just hanging out together (they are around 6 months old now) and I get incredibly envious and sad. We should have had triplets. There should be 3 babies here now. My world would be completely upside down and there would be no way I could be finishing this course, but I feel the loss of my twins deeply. It just creeps up and hits me every once in a while. Every so often when H and I are playing with Little G we look at each other and say "can you imagine if there were 2 more of her?" then we chuckle because life would be utter chaos. But deep down I am always wistful.

And, then there is the possibility that we won't have any more kids. That too just makes me sad. It goes without saying that I am incredibly happy that I have Little G. It just doesn't feel like our family is done.


Valery said...

Sorry you are feeling sad... I guess hearing stories of triplets that did not have a happy ending will do nothing to cheer you up or reassure you. You know I even miss my 'twins' from that one monitored cycle where I had two follicles? (but never got pregnant). Ah, infertility. And you never know when or how it will hurt you next. It's just a sad and lonely feeling when it feels your family is not complete. Hope you can find a little twin ornament for your tree or something to give them a little spot for x-mas.
If that would feel good for you that is.
hugs for now.

Fran said...

Unfortunately with losses this is always the case. You are glad for what you have but can't really help being sad for what you could have had. I'm sending you love, Fran

S said...

I'm sorry, Sweet G. I can only imagine how hard that must be.