Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Is my face red...

I regret naming this blog "Baby Dancing"; if I knew then what I know now... I was naive when I started out this TTC game. That name showed all the shiny, bright-eyed, optimism that was practically brimming from me at the beginning of the last year or so. I knew I was on the older end of the spectrum, but I didn't think I was too old. Despite all of that gooey optimism, or perhaps in spite of it, there was this little voice that whispered in my ear that getting pregnant was going to be tougher than I thought. I did a really good job of ignoring it.

I posted pretty religiously for the first 5 cycles of trying. Dutifully marking off each CD, and honouring each two week wait. When I decided to re-name this blog and start writing again I decided to take down all of those old posts. It actually kind of hurts to read the cyclical optimism, hope and subsequent disappointment. I didn't delete them, they're just saved as drafts for now. I have kept the inaugural post to give anyone that happens by the story about how this all got started.

Well, here I am a year and a bit later and still not pregnant. With each passing month, I became more and more worried that it wasn't going to happen for us. Yesterday, I was referred to a fertility clinic - my appointment is on April 2nd. I have my list of blood work that both hubby and I have to have done. Hubby's also going to have the good ole SA done. According to my chart I am ovulating regularly. I don't have particularly difficult cycles. They are 25 days, I ovulate on or about CD10/11, not a lot of PMS.

Most recently I had a 30 day cycle followed by a 19 day cycle. That was weird. My boobs were sore for the entire time. Who knows what's going on, but I am kind of happy that I have been referred to the clinic. It makes me feel like we're actually doing something about our situation.

Of course, there is a piece of me that is still hoping against hope that we won't need intervention. That miraculously we'll get pregnant before our appointment. I'll call and say "Thank-you, but we really don't need your help right now." so pleased with myself, hubby and I gazing lovingly at each other. Sigh. Who knows, maybe it will happen that way, but ...

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