Tuesday, August 25, 2009

16 & preggers

I watched an episode of the show 16 & pr.egnant last night. If you haven't seen it, it is a tv show produced by Morgan.Freeman for MTV. It is about teenagers that get pregnant and then follows their story through to the birth of the baby and what happens afterwards. It's a pretty realistic depiction. Some shows are where the kids choose to keep the baby, some they give them up for adoption. It shows the girls being ridiculed and ostrasized at school, dealing with their parents and then dealing with the repercussions of their choices.

In last night's show the teen couple gave up their child for adoption. The kids showed more common sense than their parents. The parents wanted the kids to keep the baby even though they had no way to pay for it/raise it and no stable home environment. The kids wanted their child to have a better life. Such an incredibly selfless decision. It was tough watching the show, seeing the eager faces of the adoptive parents and seeing the pain that the young couple were going through. It made me even more confused about the whole adoption process.

On paper adoption is wonderful. A couple/mother either doesn't want to or simply cannot raise the child themselves gives their baby to a family that is more than willing and able to raise it. Problem solved. But, there are so many more emotions at play. So many what ifs. And the what ifs are what get me.

What if the child grows up and decides at the age of 18 that they want to meet their birth parents? What if the child turns his/her back on the adoptive parents in favour of the birth parents? What if the child feels abandoned and empty because s/he doesn't know his/her background or even if they do? Adoption, like life, in reality is messy and uncomfortable and an answer to many people's dreams.

I have an aunt who gave her son up for adoption 35 years ago. She has recently been in contact with him. He's 35 and has two children. She's calling herself a grandmother, which is technically true. But, is she really? And if she is, does this take anything away from the adoptive grandmother?

The more we go along, the more we consider adoption as a way to build on our family. I am so torn about it. On the one hand we'd fulfill our dream of having a baby and a family, but on the other hand it feels like there will be a time limit on it. You know as soon as the kid meets the birth parents then we're done.

What are your thoughts on adoption?


Fran said...

Wow, this is really tough. As you know we are also going ahead with the adoption route, not as an alternative, but more like a parallel path we wish to pursue in any case. I suppose our situation will be a bit different as our only option will be international adoption (we are thinking of Vietnam) so it would be quite unlikely that the parents will leave any paperwork to be connected again with the child. Personally I belive that the children "belong" to whom grows the up and loves them every day, to whom comforts them during the sad time and cheers them when they are good. I cannot imagine that someone will be able to grow detached from you so much that as soon as they meet the birth parents they would turn your back at you. Adopted children may have a resentful feeling towards birth parents and may not understand the reason of the "abandonment". I follow Stefanie's blog http://lifesjourney-stef.blogspot.com/ who has been adopted herself, whay don't you contact her and see her position? Of course that would be one among milions but still!
Thank you so much for your comment on my blog, I am so happy I have found you and you have been so so kind last week in mentioning me for support. Big hugs. It'll all work out one way or another. Fran

Lost in Space said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lost in Space said...

Sorry, can't spell tonight...

So many thoughts buzzing through my head, but I need a little more time to sort them out...