Friday, September 04, 2009

Here's What's New with Me

Well, by my calculations I am on CD22 today and AF should be around the corner (God, I hope she's not!) If she comes, I am going to go back to the clinic and have my blood work done. I'm curious to see where my numbers are right now. In my fantasy, (well the fantasy where I go back to the clinic, not the fantasy where I'm pregnant), I imagine that my fSH is at an all time low and I strong arm my Dr into allowing me to have one more round of IVF & Injectibles. That my ovaries respond like a normal woman's and I get pregnant with a couple of frosties left over. Oh it would be so sweet. Of course, the reality is that I do not respond to meds and my RE is limiting the amount of cycles that he will work with me. You know something, deep down in my heart of hearts, I don't like him. He may be right, but I feel like he never committed to really trying to get me pregnant. I went to him thinking he'd fight for me, but no such luck.

On another note, I met my friend's little boy on Wednesday night. He is 1.5 months old and such a little cutie with his big blue eyes. I held him and cooed at him. It was amazing. I felt no hurt or betrayal when I looked at him or held him. I was just so incredibly happy for my friend (and her husband). It also reiterated to me just how much I want to be a Mom and cannot wait to hold my own baby in my arms. I know it will happen.

I also found out this week that friends of mine have had an oops. She's either 39 or 40 and he's 37, they were in Spain on vacation and she came back knocked up. How's that for a souvenir? The delivery of this was great, a mutual friend of ours told me with the codicil "I didn't think she even wanted kids". Knife through heart. All in all, I think rather than not wanting kids, she probably thought it just was never going to happen and had given up the dream. She and her man will be amazing parents. Of course I'm happy for them, but still a little sad for myself with a little angry at the universe thrown in for good measure.

This weekend is the Labour Day long weekend, Ihave Monday off. Hubby and I are going to be doing some work around the yard and going to see a movie (all.about.steve). The rest of the time will be spend relaxing with our puppies. Bliss!

5 comments:

Mad Hatter said...

Oh, how I relate to the fantasy! To be ALLOWED to have IVF would be so great...I get so jealous reading about everyone's bounteous retrievals (while at the same time truly happy for them!). That Oops in Spain story is a killer...some people have no idea. And your weekend sounds great! Enjoy those puppies and quality time with your hubby! Sending you FSH-lowering thoughts! ;-)

Lost in Space said...

Can't say I haven't had a similar fantasy on occasion.

I don't think I will ever be okay with ooops stories. How does everything just line up perfectly like that, especially when people aren't even interested in it? Blows me away.

Enjoy the weekend. I'm looking forward to a work free Monday too. (-;

Fran said...

Your dream is a great one and I was reading a book which stated that the only way to make a dream a reality is to belive in it! So you never know!

Something similar to your knocked up friend happen to a couple I know. She's 39 he's 26 or so (really 26, not a typo!). They tried for a couple of months, then decided it was never going to happen and there they are know, lovely little daughter who I cuddle any time I see her. But still...give us a break!! Much love, Fran

iamstacey said...

Have a great Labor Day weekend! Let us know how the movie is, I was wondering if it'd be good.

I'm so glad you had such a good, positive time with your friend and her baby.

You know, I think I was like the friend who came back pregnant from Spain. I used to tell everyone that I didn't think we'd try to have kids, we weren't sure we wanted to. Now I realize I knew deep down it wouldn't be easy and I was just trying to convince myself that was what I really wanted all along.

Spacey said...

I think both your fantasies are great and I hope that they will become true. :)