Friday, September 11, 2009

She's Back

Well, I had a lovely 28 day cycle this month, AF made her appearance this morning. Bitch. So, what can I say, I just hung up from calling in my Day 1 to the clinic. I’ll be in for blood work on Sunday and then I’m not sure where we go from there. I kind of want to say to Dr. H. that I want him to look at me like I don’t have high FSH. What would he do then? How would he treat me? Would he give me a lap or would there be other things that he would do? I think sometimes when you have a diagnosis the doctors don’t look beyond that diagnosis.

There’s so much that I want to say that I don’t know how to get from my head onto this screen. It’s a jumble of mixed emotions. I’ll tell you, anonymous donor eggs are looking more and more like the route that I could take. We just don’t have the money for it. And, it’s illegal in Canada to pay someone for their eggs, so we’d have to go to the States to do it. I’ve thought a lot about known donors and I’m not really comfortable with it. Can anyone who reads this blog point me to someone that’s been through this process? I mean the known donor egg process. I would like to see how it has worked for someone else. I just feel like if I were to use my cousin’s eggs that I would always be looking at the child to see what traits they have in common.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I am just frustrated and I don’t know how to shake off these feelings.

6 comments:

Spacey said...

((hugs)) I am so sorry that AF showed up.
I don't know anyone who's used donor eggs, but sometimes on cyclesista(dot)com, blogs show up of couples cycling using donor eggs or embryos.

((hugs))

Fran said...

Sweetie, first of all is CD1 (the damn bitch!) so you know that all this thoughts are even greyer due to the moment. I know one person through a local board who hasgone through donor egg. She went the anonymous way, but it didn't work out the first time, so she's just going to pick up some frosties this week! I think if you can see the baby as your own, rather than made of two halves it may be easier. I'm hugging you from here. Love Fran

Another Dreamer said...

Sorry for CD1 :( No help with pointing you in any particular direction with the egg donors... our clinic does egg donors, you don't "pay" for the eggs, put rather the meds to procedure, matching fees, etc... plus your cycles have to be synced, etc... So it comes out to be like $20,000 for everything (*sigh*)

Lost in Space said...

Hugs, hun. It's always greyer and murkier on cd1...

I'll drop you an email with some blogs I read about donor eggs...

iamstacey said...

I'm so sorry. I just ache for you. I hate that feeling of hopelessness and despair that comes with AF. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Phoebe said...

Getting your period is always so depressing.

A friend of mine used donor eggs. For her, it was a no-brainer. She thought she would never have kids, having passed the age of her eggs being good when she got married at 49. For her it was an opportunity that she would not have had otherwise.

I too and considering donor eggs. It is much more difficult than I ever imagined. I can't go the anonymous route. If I do it, I want it to be from family. I don't even know if that's a possibility right now. I have so many confusing feelings about it!!