Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Every day as we drive back and forth to/from work we pass these wonderful children’s boutiques. There are beautiful clothes, pint-sized running shoes, children-only hair salons and children’s bookstores. I look at them so wistfully as we drive by. All I can think as we pass each one is ‘When is it going to be my chance’ or, on better days, ‘I can’t wait to shop there’. Invariably, I get a little quiet and just a little sad. Then H. will ask me a question or start a conversation without noticing my little bout of “poor me” and I am pulled back into the moment.

Infertility is kind of like grief – it sneaks up on you when you least expect. My Grandpa died 10 years ago, to this day if I hear particular old 40’s songs or smell his aftershave I will cry. So, when I see new neat little children’s stores or I run into an old friend who’s now pregnant with her 2nd even though I hadn’t heard about her first, it’s like I’ve heard that old song or smelled that special scent. I get wistful.

Hmm, that’s definitely the right word for it; it means full of longing or unfulfilled desire.

I think we can all relate to that.


Lost in Space said...

I can completely relate, right down to my DH snapping me back to reality.

I lost my dad 9 years ago also have certain sights, sayings, smells, etc. that take me back to him. It brings back so many great memories, but also so many "what if's?" for if he were still alive today.

With IF, we are grieving those "what if's?" and not knowing when or if they will come true. Hugs.

Spacey said...