Friday, July 03, 2009

Hope vs. Worry

I want to know what the future holds. Will I have a baby? Will we adopt? Will we be forced to live child-free. I was watching a video from our family party on Saturday and I had such a yearning to be able to give that sense of love & belonging to my own children.

As each day passes I'm getting more and more okay with the idea of donor eggs. Now, I'm feeling shy about approaching my cousin about it. The offer didn't actually come from her, it came from her mother. I hope it still stands.

Not sure if you're aware, but in Canada it's illegal to offer compensation for donor eggs/sperm. If we used my cousin's eggs, we wouldn't have to pay about $10K in additional fees (administration fee, fee for donor etc). My cousin is 37 and I'm worried how she'll respond to meds, if she'll respond to meds.

I'm also worried about how our family would react to the child. Would it really be seen as ours? Or would it be seen as partly my cousin's?

There are so many things to worry about, but the thought of the option being there for us gives me hope. I guess I have to figure out if the hope outweighs the worry.

Madhatter - Hi! You asked if I had heard about DHEA. I have tried it, but can't say that it really did anything for me. I would definitely say that acupuncture has helped.


CHAR said...

I am am glad you are considering donor eggs. I hate that infertility is even a part of our lives but I am glad you have options that you can consider. That is a really nice thing your cousin is offering. Does she have children of her own?


Phoebe said...

There is always something to worry about with IF. Will you try with your own eggs before DE? After all, they really do not know your egg quality until they take a look at them and your embryos. High FSH be damned.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure your family would see the baby as yours. You'll carry it, give birth to it and raise it. It'll always be your baby!

Mad Hatter said...

I'm sorry to hear you didn't find the DHEA helpful. I have heard that it does not work for everyone. How long did you take it for? What kinds of side effects did you experience?

If you're thinking about donor eggs, I recommend reading Bellyaching and Benedictions - Peeveme is currently carrying a DE baby and her blog is very honest and insightful.

Hope said...

I too am caught between hope and worry. What does the future hold for us. It's good to hear that you are considering your options. I think the further we travel down this IF road the more we become open to the various options because we often have no choice.

Spacey said...

I'm glad that you are looking forward at the different options out there. Unfortunately, this journey is full of different types of worries and I always wonder if they'll ever go away.
It would be really nice to be able to see what the future holds.

Lost in Space said...

I don't have any answers, but can say I am working through some very similar options/questions/issues.

Sending hugs. You aren't alone.

Echloe said...

That is a very tough question. If this were the case in my family I think I would consider the one who gave birth the mother. But would probably always look at the biological mom to see if the kid acted like her or looked like her. But you are all family. Maybe the lines will be more faded when it really happens.