Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My Heart Aches for a Baby, but I Will NOT be Defined by That

Lately, I've been finding myself wanting to go back to simply TTC. To forget that there are significant female factors impeding our route and to just go at it. Let nature take it's course so to speak. Then I go back to the belief that I must go to the fertility clinic because I am 'damaged' and that we'll probably have to go to donor eggs or even adoption. It's kind of like I can't give up my little badge of damage, that in order to go to the FC and to TTC I have to have these negative views, and all of the stress that goes with it.

It wasn't until just at this moment, as I write a post that I was driven to write even as I still had no words, that I have realized that I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY. So, we're having problems getting pregnant, so I have high FSH, so we need intervention... SO WHAT! I can go to the FC and still love myself. I can go to the FC or not go to the FC and we still have a chance of getting pregnant.

I am not someone to be pitied nor should I pity myself. This is the road that I have to walk down so I might as well do it right. As me. The fun-loving, slightly scatterbrained, pudgy, loveable woman that I am.


I am working on an award that I was lucky enough to receive. I will have a post about it tomorrow.

Also, Madhatter, you asked a while ago if I had any side effects from taking DHEA. There were none that I noticed. I will say though, that I was at one of the best research facilities for fertility in Canada and they are currently looking into co-enzyme q10. For women over 35 with high fsh, apparently it works. (well it worked in rats). It's a high dosage between 600 and 800mg per day. You may want to talk to your RE about this or consult with Dr. Google.


Spacey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spacey said...

Sorry, I messed up the first post because of a slow connection.

I totally agree that you should love yourself for being YOU. Infertility might change some parts of us and our perceptions (ie. a greater appreciation for what we have and an even greater appreciation for the things that are hard to achieve), but it doesn’t change all the other aspects that define us. You are still you. ((hugs))
Congrats on the award!

Anonymous said...

Of course you don't have to pity yourself!! Infertility does not define you, the strength and determination you are showing to fulfil you dream does. The road isn't easy, no superfertile will ever get it, there's no point even in arguing with them. They say yeah yeah I know, but the don't. They say "but you have this, this and this other thing to be happy about" thanks I know there are people worse off. They say "ah the freedom of no children" and you are just speachless. The more I get to know these amazing women on the blogs the more I am honoured to part of such an army of warriors. There are other things in life, whether you go to the FC or not, I (we) know it doesn't change who you are, and believe you me, you are some strong woman. Love, Fran

Anonymous said...

You should be proud of all you've done so far! I'm aiming for the same goal, to be positive through this IF journey but to not be defined by it. You are doing great!