Tuesday, October 13, 2009

CD4 Blood work

Went back to the clinic this morning to see if we are about to embark on number 2 of the 4 cycles our clinic gave us before they give us the boot. I was filled with dread and really didn't want to go. I was also still slightly pissed at them because I called in my day 1 and didn't get a call back, so I missed Day 3. But, the hope of getting pregnant trumped my anger and misgivings so I dragged my big old butt to the clinic.

Just got the call and here are the numbers:

FSH - 8.1
E2 - 168 (in Canada under 200 is what they want to see)
Right ovary - 2 follies
Left ovary - 1 follie

It makes me mad that I missed day 3; if I have 8.1 on day 4, then what was it on Day 3? Could it have been less than 8?

On a completely different note, it was Canadian Thanksgiving yesterday. My family celebrated on Sunday. There were 40 of us for a potluck lunch followed by a scavenger hunt, turkey bingo, trivia, pinata and karaoke. It was a lot of fun and made for a long day. My cousin was there with her beautiful 5 month old daughter. BB is gorgeous,and I held her and cooed at her for a long time. Every second that ticked by was both amazing and heartbreaking. Amazing because she's so little and it's so neat to see the world through her eyes. But, so heartbreaking because I.WANT.THAT. My soul was aching while I held her close and breathed in that uniquely baby scent. All I could think is "when will it be my turn?" There is a big part of me that thinks it's never going to happen. Words are so powerful, I really didn't even want to pu that in writing. but, it's true and I must own it. There is still a big part of me that believes that I will be pregnant and we will be parents. Hope thrives in my soul.

I know that there are no guarantees in life, but this - my fertility - is never something I even questioned. Would I meet a guy and get married? I didn't really ever see that happening. That was something I questioned. Would I ever own my own home? That was very doubtful. But, would I be a mother someday was always answered with a "damn right". Even if there was no husband there were always children in my future. Now, I just sit here and think "What happened?"

Which brings me back to this cycle. I want to do IVF again. Dr. H2.0 has said no to that. He'd consider doing a natural ivf, but really only wants to go with donor eggs. Known de at that. I do not want to do known donor eggs. There's too much baggage, for me, that comes along with that. Do I look at changing clinics again? Or do I find a way of swaying his opinion. If we go with anonymous de then we will be changing clinics. I just don't know what to do.


Mad Hatter said...

Those are awesome numbers! Congrats! That FSH is terrific! And Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Canuck! :-)

Phoebe said...

Those are some great numbers there! I don't understand why your doc won't let you try IVF with your eggs with numbers that fantastic? When you say "known DE" does that mean a proven donor? I don't blame you for wanting to try on your own with fantastic numbers like that. I don't think it matters too much that it's CD4. HUGS!!

Lost in Space said...

I'm with Phoebe. They really should give you another shot at IVF with those kind of numbers!

Happy Thanksgiving to you! It sounds like you had an event-filled day. My heart aches reading about your cousin's baby. I crave to hold babies and yet hate it at the same time.

CHAR said...

I agree those numbers are good! I don't understand why IVF can not be tried? UGH!
Hugs (())

Anonymous said...

Where in Canada r u from? I am an american citizen married to a canadian and just had most of my bloodtests done. my result were bad ;( and but i guess my E2 and LH is fine.. still need to go to the FS tomorow to c what i can do. Your FSH Was awesome...i still do not understand how do they decide to go forward with treatments or not.

I had to do all my blood test on CD 4 instead of CD3 because the lab closed when i was went in.

FSH:38 ( very high!!!)

the weird thing is i still ovulate every month, and my cycle is normal average 25 day cycle.
i got pregnant naturaly 7 months after TTC for 7 cycles. However, i lost my baby at 12 wks and 2 days.

if you said canada clinic wants to see E2 less than 200? than both my E2 and LH are fine right? now how can my FSH b too high?

i am so scared and worried.. please let me know what you clinic told you.. i reside in quebec at that momment.

Good luck and Hope you get your BFP soon