Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows la la la...

Today I caught myself thinking about our trip to CR and found myself smiling. Smiling?! Then, when thinking about my cousin, I thought about having little ones close to the same age... you know if things work in April. And, I felt this little ripple of excitement, it was just a little buzz of electricity that ran up my belly. Uh oh, and now that good old emotion of hope has just popped in to say hello. Yikes, usually I'm good at fending off these positive emotions. You know some how protecting myself from some inevitable disappointment,it's a bizarre form of self-preservation. It's so much easier to be the grizzled, cynical, infertile than the bright-eyed, optimistic, hopeful one.

Or at least I thought it was easier, but you know what... I don't like living like that. That's not who I am. I want to be hopeful and optimistic and expectant of good things. I've gotten so used to things not going right that I've forgotten what it feels like to have that ripple of excitement roll through my body.

Logicaly, I know it's better to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I just don't want to be logical. Logic be damned! Today I'm going to be hopeful and optimistic, there are good things in my future.


Mad Hatter said...

Oh, Sweet G, I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling excited - you should! You've got an amazing experience coming up for you! You deserve those rosy glasses you're wearing after all you've been through - like you say, it's so much nicer to be hopeful! Enjoy!

Kate said...

I'm so hopeful for you too!
DE can't be anything but a great shot with high chances of success. And a nice CR vacation on top of it? Not too long to go now.

Fran said...

That's my girl! There will be days where being optimistic won't e easy at all, but we have to embrace those days that do make us feel good! Much love, Fran

Spacey said...

Positive emotions are wonderful! I don't think you should push them aside. In my journey, for me, they are the things that keep me going.
I am very hopeful for you!!!