Monday, April 26, 2010

2WW Angst

I'm currently 6DP5DT, beta is coming up soon and I have no idea if we've been successful or not. I go back and forth between positive it's positive and sure that we've got a negative on our hands. For the most part, I'm trying not to think about it and if negative doubts sneak in I try to turn them around to positive as quickly as I can. I have to keep reminding myself if thinking could get you pregnant it would have happened for us a long time ago.

My boobs go from being very sore to not sore at all then slightly sore etc. Which is all due to the progesterone suppositories, I know. I'm not nauseous, dizzy, no bleeding gums. I'm exhausted, but that's due to jet lag & the progesterone I'm on. I have a little bit of cramping I think, but I'm not sure - it could just be gas or the way I'm sitting in my chair.

I had a dream on Saturday night that I was holding our baby girl. She was so tiny, and had a smattering of light blond hair and big blue eyes. Then someone handed me a baby boy, truth be told he looked a little weird. Now that I think about it, it was like he was half new born half child, if that makes any sense. He had dark brown hair, pale skin and dark eyes, a slight Eastern Europe-ness around the eyes and nose. It was a nice and weird dream all at once.

All that to say that I'm anxious for the beta. I am tempted to take a pregnancy test, but I'm happy in this land of not knowing right now. A negative test could devastate me and if it's positive, well, that would be great. It's just, what if it's not?

I am praying for a positive, then a health pregnancy, then a healthy child and so on.


Fran said...

Can I just say...I absolutely love your dreams?? If it was me I'd take it as a very very good sign. I can't wait to see how it turns out and I have a really good vibe about it. Now, truth be told...if we were cycling together I would have had absolutely no doubt in putting money on your BFP (I haven't failed yet!) but I'm still really optimistic that the European atmosphere worked its magic! Love, Fran

babyrecipe said...

Love your dream! You are much stronger than me who caved at about this point. I think all your signs are good signs. I had way more cramps before my beta than the few days before my beta so don't worry if they let up a little. I can't wait to hear the news!!!

Spacey said...

Keeping everything crossed for you! I can't believe you are holding on POASing! I know I wasn't able to do
Sticky vibes, sticky vibes, sticky vibes!

CHAR said...

Hoping for a wonderful result! The 2ww is awful I know. I agree with the not testing....I have tested early in the past & I agree not knowing is better for now:) xo

Lost in Space said...

My experience with dreams in the blog world is typically pretty positive. Can't wait to see how this plays out!!