Sunday, July 27, 2008


The witch showed her face yesterday, so I'm on to cycle #23; the last natural cycle before IUI & injections. It doesn't seem real that we're facing this and I'm so incredibly mad at my body. I wish so badly that my body would just do what it is supposed to do. H. doesn't understand at all, for a while there I thought he did - but we had a big argument today, part of which was because I aired my feelings. He said that the way I am when I'm disappointed makes him not want to have kids with me. Makes the whole process too difficult. Very hurtful. I know he was just venting so I didn't get too upset about it. Of course, it's one of those things that will be with me for a long time. That's what happens when you say hurtful things when you argue. You end up being held accountable for something you didn't really mean. Which is why I try not to hit below the belt.

Heidi had a question about DHEA and if I've had any side effects. I'm on a low dosage compared to what I've read on the high FSH boards. I take 25mg per day. The only side effects so far is acne. I have never been prone to acne, but now I am. It's not incredibly bad, just small blemishes here and there. I can definitely deal with it.

I'm still trying to stay positive - it's been 3 normal (for me) cycles in a row. I'm hoping this will be another normal cycle. I am upping my exercise quite a bit this week and am going to start (again) being conscious of what I'm eating. I am very overweight and that cannot be helping in this bid to get pregnant. My problem is that I am an emotional eater and a self-saboteur. Throw infertility into the mix and I'm a mess. I have to keep reminding myself that I am worth the effort.

Oh and on the plus side, my back seems to be fine.

No comments: