Friday, September 19, 2008

Beta Today

So, today is my beta. I went to the clinic this morning to have my blood drawn. While I was sitting there a woman came blowing through the lobby like a tornado. I could feel the excitement radiating from her. She was talking to one of the nurses about how at her last IVF the IV didn’t even leave a mark and how she’d peed on two sticks and they were both positive and now she was at the clinic to get her blood taken to confirm the pregnancy. And then she said yes I am pregnant – God Willing.

I was struck by a bunch of emotions. First, I do not think that I’m pregnant – I want to be, I hope I am, but… When this woman came in, I took it as a sign – she’s the one that succeeded this time. Not my turn. She took my turn. Totally irrational. I actually scowled on the inside. Of course, I am logically happy for her. She went through IVF, not for the first time from the sounds of it and it stuck. She is pg. She is incredibly lucky.

A little while later I was called in by the nice nurse to have my blood drawn. No big deal. She took the blood from my hand since the veins in my arms are so difficult to deal with. When I left she said Good Luck. I thanked her and was on my way.

So now I wait. I go back and forth between thinking of course I'm pregnant to of course I'm not pregnant. On Wednesday afternoon I went to the bathroom and there was one tiny little speck of light pink blood. Of course after that I was religiously and obsessively going to the bathroom and checking my underwear then checking the tp. There hasn't been another drop since then. I don't spot - usually when AF arrives she just jumps in full force, so I am marking it down to the progesterone suppositories. They really do what they're supposed to do.

As an aside, my Father had his follow up appointment with the heart specialist and he is in great shape. He’s doing so well that he can even play hockey this winter if he wants to. That blast of wind you just felt was my sigh of relief!



Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry, Sweet Georgia. Sending big hugs your way. I know how hard this is to hear.

Michelle said...

((HUGS)) Waiting is the hardest! I am glad your father is well.

planningdoesntwork said...

Stupid negative betas. I hope you're having a peaceful weekend after less than stellar news and are able to be happy for your father's good news.

Here from ICLW.

Mrs Woggie said...

I'm so so sorry that you got a BFN. I get the same feeling when I find out someone else is pregnant, that they are taking one more chance away from me. It seems stupid doesn't it, but evidently it's not, I know other IFs who have the same feelings, like there are a certain number of BFPs to be handed out.

Here from ICLW.

Kristin said...

I am so sorry you got a BFN. Its never easy even when you expect it to happen.

Glad to hear your father is doing so well.