Thursday, April 23, 2009

Deep thoughts

I was on one of the message boards that I frequent today and read a post about a woman who had been married for a while and her husband told her he doesn’t want kids ever. They’d had the talk earlier in their relationship and he said he wasn’t sure or he’d say “eventually”, but now he doesn’t want them at all and she does. She was wondering where she goes from here. I don’t know what she should do; for me, it would be a deal breaker.

After reading her post it got me thinking about something my husband has said to me a few times recently. He said that when he thought about finding someone to marry he wanted his wife to want kids, lots of kids. That’s why he was so happy that we both really wanted kids and he was happy and excited when we started trying.

It’s a total mindfuck that we both want something so much and both waited for that right person to come along only to have such difficulty getting pregnant. I wonder, if he knew then what he knows now if he would have got involved with me. It’s not him that’s broken, it’s me. It’s my body that decided to go into hyper drive and have my ovaries age at warp speed. Sigh.


Lost in Space said...

I think he most definitely would have still picked you. He didn't pick you just to have babies. He could pick anyone for that. He picked you for you.

I have often wondered the same thing though....If my guy had picked someone else he would have a couple of kids by now.

It sucks, but we are in this together...

Spacey said...

I don't think you should think that way because he would have still picked you.

Speaking from his side of the spectrum, because that's where I'm at, knowing what I know now wouldn't have changed my decision to marry my DH. Nothing in this world would have changed that. He is the man I love and we will pass through these struggles together achieving our goal to have a baby.

Don't ever think that your DH would have picked someone else. He loves YOU!

stillhopeful said...

Thanks for sharing you back story... I just found your blog and read some of the back posts. We have a similar college history, and I've always felt I was being punished, too. It was really nice to see someone else in the same position, and to read the supportive comments you received.

I really hope things work out for you (for all of us!).

I recently started my own blog if you're interested in reading:

CHAR said...

I too don't think you should think that way but it is a normal feeling to have. You both fell in love for a spend your lives together. No one really knows if infertility will enter their lives. My MIL asked me ( I think half joking) if I would ever leave her son because of his issues. NEVER! I love him & will deal with whatever our life plan is.