Monday, March 15, 2010

Cat's out of the bag

So, it was my Mom's birthday last week and to celebrate we went to her house so she could cook us dinner. (Roast, yorkshire pudding, mashed potatoes and gravy - yum!). It came out over dinner that the owner of the restauarant that I spoke about a couple of posts ago forwarded the blogpost to my brother. So, despite that asshole not knowing about customer service and how to make an apology ('cause you know if he had just spoken to my bro I would never have posted about his restaurant), I'm the one that ended up getting screwed in the end. I have never shared this blog with anyone in my family (except for H); not one of my friends knows about it either. This has been my safe place to blog all of the shit that I have gone through and how I've felt and am feeling. I don't have to worry about editing myself in case I hurt someone's feelings.

Now the cat's out of the bag. I don't think my bro would read this blog and I really hope he didn't pass it on to my parents. Not that it's a really bad thing, but I feel like my anonymity has been completely compromised.

Who knows, if he has, maybe they'll get a better understanding of exactly how tough this has been for me.

My initial reaction was to stop writing, but that would just take away a much needed release for me. So, I'm going to continue writing.

So, here we go... one more week and I get my shot lupron depot. I've been asked a couple of times why the lupron and from my understanding the lupron will throw me into a false menopause - that way my ovaries don't produce any follicles and I won't ovulate on my own. Which I think could compromise the transfer. On Monday march 22nd, I have the depot shot and also take the last BCP or as I call them poison pills. I will then wait until I get my period. On the first day of my period I start taking estrogen pills to help build my lining and then on April 8th I go for my transvag u/s to check my lining. Then on April 13th we leave for Brno. April 15th will be the donor's egg retrieval and either April 18th/20th will be the transfer.

The excitement is really starting to build.

On a panic attack note, I'm still having the chest pains, I'm going to go to a chiropractor next week and see if there's anything that s/he can do for me. I should have my results from my stress test next Monday as well. I have had a couple of minor tremors - nothing like the attack I had on Thursday, but for the most part I'm feeling better. I took today off work just to sleep. When I sleep I don't feel the pains and my mind isn't racing; it just gives me relief from everything. Not a very healthy way of dealing with things, but as a short term fix it works for me. Actually, after that one I had on Thursday I was just completely exhausted and really didn't have a chance to recover fully from it physically. I am feeling much more rested today.

I just want this to be gone and I'm hoping that once I'm off the bcp things will settle down a little bit.


Maria said...

I was reading your blog today and realized that we are almost on the same cycle. :) You're about one week ahead of me. I start Lupron on March 24. I am going to be a gestational surrogate for my sister and her husband. She can conceive but can't carry as a result of cancer treatments. Long story but she was born with a large tumor on her tail bone. Best of luck to you! It looks like you've had a rough road. Maria

Mad Hatter said...

Gah - sorry to hear about your blog being you need that right now on top of everything else! You sound calmer. So glad you can stop those bcps! I don't know why, but I've not had to take them so far. I am doing Suprefact injections (which I hear is the same as Lupron). I hear that they can make you a bit crazy (just see EB's posts on Evil Lu.pron on her IVF 40+ blog!), but so far I haven't noticed it in myself (twitch, twitch!).
Keep taking it easy and sleep all you want if that's what it takes!

Lost in Space said...

Okay, so that restaurant guy really pisses me off now. An infertile gal needs her space to get it all out. I'm glad you are going to keep with it!

Those BCPs are evil and I hope things settle down for you a bit once they are done - just a few more to go now!