Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hope or not

Do you ever feel like there’s a finite amount of good luck around at any one time? In this world of IF I have the feeling that only so many of us are allowed good news at any one time. A girl on one of the IF boards I post to announced that she’s pregnant. I am absolutely ecstatic for her – she’s really had to slug it out to get to this – still an early beta of 650 have to confirm doubling etc – but she got the BFP. Now there are other people in my world that are about to test – as am I if I make it a few more days – and it started me thinking. We can’t all get BFPs – it just doesn’t happen that way. So, who will be the “lucky” ones that do and who will be the ones that don’t? How is it determined who will and who won’t? I wonder sometimes if it’s all random or if there is some divine power saying yes to you, no to others. My FIL would probably be able to spout some mathematical equation that explains the outcomes.

I don’t know, I just feel like I am always the one who has to wait in this scenario.

I’ll let you in on a little secret – I have hope again. She snuck in during the night. She’s planting ideas in my head that maybe that twinge I felt was really something rather than just gas, that the heartburn is a symptom rather than just the aftermath of a late dinner. On the one hand I’m kind of glad that she’s here because it means that I haven’t given up, but on the other hand it means that I am being set up for all kinds of disappointment.

It makes me wonder, is it better to have hope or not?

1 comment:

Chelle said...

It is always good to have a little bit of hope. Completely giving up is such a heart breaking, heart wrenching moment. Life is so dark when all hope is gone. The fact that you still have it says you haven't given up. Stay strong. :)