Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Holding Pattern (bit of a whinge)

I don't want to be infertile. I don't want to be poked and prodded; to 'force' ovulation, to give needles to myself or pop pills.. and suppositories. I want to say to H. "Let's just relax, have a glass of wine and have a well-timed lovemaking session" and *poof* 9 months later we'll walk out of the hospital with a happy, healthy bundle of joy.

It happens that way for so many people. I don't understand why it can't happen for us. Of course, I understand the realities - I'm 37 years old, my eggs are old. I have annovulatory cycles blah blah blah. But I do still ovulate on my own, well up until 3 months ago I was still ovulating on my own. H's SA results (217 million, 60% morph, 80% mot) were fabulous. I thought that our timing was pretty darn spot on. Why didn't it work? Not a single GD BFP.

Now I'm in this stupid holding pattern. Waiting on FSH results and also for the HIV and Hepatitis tests to come back. I'm not even sure why the last two were necessary, but I did them because I will do whatever I'm told if it means I'll have a baby at the end of all of this.

I want to get this show on the road. Give me the pills, the suppositories and needles. Send me to an acupuncturist and herbalist. Christ, tell me to stand on my head while reciting Shakespeare while H. dances around me naked. If that will get me pregnant I will do it.

I'm ready. H is ready. We want our baby.

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