Friday, April 25, 2008

Me + POAS = Disappointment

In my infinite wisdom this past month, I bought an OPK. I have never used one in the past, but figured "hell why not". So I bought the little digital one that promises a smiley face when you are about to ovulate. But here's the thing. I'm no longer ovulating. I know that I am not. I haven't since at least December. My cycle is truly and totally f*cked. The cycles are long then short, long then short and repeat. I think this one is going to be a long one. I love and hate that hope remains a part of me. I bought the OPK because I was hopeful that this month would be a "normal" month. Then I got the FSH news and now I keep "failing" the opk's. I want the smiley face, my hope wants the smiley face, but my head and heart know that there's not going to be one.

Just like the numerous HPTs I've taken over the past year and a half or so, I continue to fail the POAS test. BFN, I should have that tattooed on my woohoo. Then I can just look down and remind myself - don't POAS, it won't be good news.

Of course, this won't stop me from peeing on whatever passes for a test. OPK, HPT... as long as it has an acronym I'll pee on it.

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