Monday, May 12, 2008

The Insensitive Infertile

The results are back from my blood test - I am not immune to Rubella, well the results came back as "Inconclusive", so I have to go get immunized. Then we wait a month and repeat the blood work. Which also means whatever fertility plan Dr. Handsome has in mind for me will have to wait until I am proven immune. I was a little bummed when I got the news. It feels like we keep having these obstacles put in our way.

Then, today, I went to see my naturopath, Dr. W. - love her!!!! She is so positive all of the time. I told her about the rubella shot and she said not to get depressed about it, but to look at it positively. It gives us a chance to work for another month to get my body in the healthiest place possible for when I get pregnant. I know there are no guarantees, but I feel like I have a cheerleader in my corner. I had my second acupuncture session today, it was amazing too.

She put the needles in and then turned off the lights and left. I was so comfortable I almost fell asleep. Then after about 10 minutes she came in and readjusted the needles a little; then she left for another 10 minutes. I tried to think really positive thoughts while I was there, picturing myself pregnant. I was so relaxed and in a great state of mind when I left.

On a completely different note, I go on a message board pretty regularly and communicate/commiserate with other infertiles. It is such a supportive community; it has helped me get through some horrible days and has also helped me learn so much about infertility. I hope I help the other women on the board at least as much as they've helped me.... BUT... I feel like I haven't paid my dues sometimes. They don't make me feel that way, but I read their posts and see their struggles and realize that to this point my infertility is still just a theory. I haven't injected myself or gone through failed IVF/IUI cycles (just about 20 failed natural cycles). I haven't miscarried. I don't have the emotional scars of infertility. So to that extent I can't relate. I can't relate to hating Mother's Day or the other insecurities of being infertile (yet). Maybe if I had been through a couple of failed IVFs and all of my friends were dropping babies like flies then I would feel that way. I feel like an insensitive infertile for not understanding how they feel.


Mums_the_word said...

Ok... first off, I hope you never, ever, ever have to fully understand. Ever. Not for one short day.

I think your naturopath is right... you need to look at this 'delay' as a way to maximize your efforts to get your body to the best place possible. Both in terms of whatever it is she does for you, but also in terms of ensuring that you have that one less thing to worry about when this finally works for you... no need to worry about exposure risks or what damage might befall your child if you're not immune. (you'll have enough worries and 'what ifs' going through your mind ;) ). Just getting your body to the best place possible... that alone might be enough, and I truly hope it is.

I don't know you well, but I wish you only good things... and soon :)

Sweet Georgia said...

Thanks Mums, I appreciate the kind words.