Monday, August 11, 2008

A Dark Day

Today is CD17 and I still haven’t ovulated. I have never ovulated this late in a cycle and I am getting very upset. As I’ve said before, this is our last cycle before IUI & injectibles. We really wanted to give it one last try at a natural pg prior to the IUI route. How can we give it one last try if I don’t ovulate?!

Then there is this mental game I’m playing with myself – the” well it could still happen, but what if it doesn’t happen”, “stop worrying about it you’re putting too much stress on yourself.” “Oh ya, I must keep a positive attitude, don’t want to stress. It won’t happen if I’m stressed out.” one. The stress from not stressing is really getting to me.

On top of everything else, as this cycle continues, I’m realizing that I really don’t want to do an IUI and I really don’t want to give myself injections. I am not ready for that next step. It’s such a quandary because I don’t feel ready, but I feel a very real sense of time running out. So, I don’t really have any other option but going forward with it.

Most of all I’m so scared that the IUI won’t work. H. and I haven’t discussed how far we’re willing to go, how much money we’re willing to spend etc. I have read so many blogs or seen people’s stats on the high FSH boards, where the women have been through procedure after procedure after procedure with no baby at the end. It terrifies me.

1 comment:

Lost in Space said...

Hopefully you will ovulate soon. I've had a few off cycles before with it being a bit late from stress, etc.

If you need a little time before doing the IUI, don't beat yourself up. It's okay to be scared. I was ready for IUI, but terrified of IVF. They are all big steps to take. I'm here with you every step of the way. Hang in there and do it when you are ready.