Monday, June 08, 2009

In which, I'm sad

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is negative in nature. There may be some whinging, some “why me’s” and a few tears.

Let’s travel back in time to Friday, June 5th, I went in for my blood work and ultrasound and made my way to work. I went back in at 1pm to have my SHG and also to talk about the results from the morning with my nurse. I had an SHG a year ago, full patency and spillage on both ovaries and my uterus was beautiful. Fast forward to Friday, I wasn’t nearly as nervous as a year previous and thought this was merely a formality. Nope. Right tube open? Check. Uterus still beautifully shaped? Check. Left tube nicely open? Um, no. That tube appears to be blocked. The doctor noted that it could possible be the muscles had contracted and therefore closed the tube. I mentioned that to the nurse and she quite strongly told me “Nope, it’s blocked.”

Just another kick in the teeth from Mother Nature. On to my results, estrogen has started to increase; all 6 follies are still under 1.0. They’re not cancelling me yet.

Sunday, I headed back in. The waiting room was packed. It took an hour and a half to get my blood taken and the ultrasound done. I was out of there in just over 2 hours. The follies are still small, but there is a lead at 1.2 on my left ovary. Of course, there is. On the ovary that doesn’t have a functional tube. The second largest is .9 on the right. My estrogen was 277 (or 92 in US numbers).

Went back in this morning and don’t know what my numbers are. I’m just feeling more and more dejected.

As to the rest of my weekend… Saturday was my friend’s baby shower. I was amazing, you would have been so proud of me. I even touched her belly. I didn’t cry at all, even when everyone was still talking and eating and I was in the bathroom giving myself a shot. I didn’t even cry that night. The tears came on Sunday.

Also, on Saturday the cable for our tv cable and internet was ripped from the house again. We were without internet/tv for the rest of the weekend. I had two assignments I was supposed to be working on and hubby had stuff for the business he’s trying to start. We didn’t get anything done. The guy is coming tonight to fix us back up.

And, after the news of the blocked tube we’ve decided to look into adoption. Get the ball rolling, while we continue to try with the clinic.

I feel like there’s just so much piled against me/us. I try to stay positive and keep pushing through but I feel hope waning. I’m trying to hold onto it, but it’s slipping through my fingers.

ETA: Lead follie on left 1.4, lead follie on right 1.2, Estrogen is now 420(140US) so it almost doubled over night. Back to the clinic tomorrow morning.


Anonymous said...

Oh Sweetie, this is a Europea hug to console you a bit ((((Sweet Georgia))). Now onto some comments. First of all you don't need tubes for IVF, it's so much more important that you have a perfect uterus. I am very much behind you with considering adoption of course, we have done the same and it is somewhat calming. You did great at the shower, very proud of you! I'm shouting at the follicles now: come on you lazy feckers! :o) you better behave or else. Love, Fran

stillhopeful said...

I also have a blocked tube, and my RE recommended going right to IVF to bypass the tubes. Which I didn't do, and wasted money on 3 unsuccessful IUIs (and 2 unsuccessful IVF's, but...). It looks from your history that you haven't tried IVF yet, so if that's financially an option for you, I wouldn't worry about the tube.

I was always someone that had my next step planned out (for me it was DE), and that really does have a calming effect. It's good to have a plan!

Chelle said...

I am so sorry you are having such a rough go. I wish there was something I could say that would give you hope or even make you feel better. All I have is that I am thinking about you and will be praying that you get better results today.

*big hugs*

Sandra D. said...

It can be really hard to be positive all the time, especially when you get thrown curveballs. But I think you should be really proud of yourself for how you have handled things so far - especially the baby shower - those are killer. And don't be so hard on yourself for feeling down and negative. We all go to that "dark place" once in a while. My advice is always to just go with it until it's out of your system. And then things will seem clearer :-)

Phoebe said...

I wouldn't trust that SHG to determine if your tubes are open or not. An HSG is the procedure for that. I can't see how they would tell from an u/s whether your tubes are open or closed? Least of all would I trust some nurse.