Saturday, January 09, 2010

Run don't Walk

I mean it. If you have not read Conquering Infertility by Dr. Alice Domar & Alice Lesch Kelly, you must run out and get this book. My Naturopath recommended this book ages ago, but I did nothing about it. I finally put it on my Christmas wish list and Santa granted my wish.

I am currently on page 98 of this book and there is so much I have already taken from it. I had to tear myself away from it and come here to tell you about it. This is not just another infertility book on how to change your diet, your lifestyle and cure your infertility. It is not a book that will tell you which protocols are best for your particular issue. This book speaks to the soul. It's about the mind/body connection. It talks about strategies for handling the deep depression, sadness and pain that comes with infertility. It gives you tools for how to handle the driveby pregnancy announcements, for putting a plan in place with friends on how to deliver this kind of news.

I am reading and nodding and thinking "man, that's exactly how I feel".

Part of it deals with the difference in reactions between men and women to infertility, to af showing up month after month and to failed procedures. Something I have struggled with, because sometimes it feels like H just doesn't get it.

Anyway, I know I sound like I am gushing, but I can't help myself. I am NOT a self-help book kind of girl, I am NOT all Zen and touchy-feely although I can see the merits in leaning that way. I just think that when I come across something that speaks so accurately, intensely and on such a relate-able level about infertility and how it feels, that I just have to share it with my sisters.

ETA - In response to a couple of the comments, I felt it was necessary to add the following. I did not feel at any time that the authors blamed the infertile woman for not getting pregnant because she's too stressed out/anxious/depressed and I did not feel like the authors were saying that if you do "x" you will get pregnant. That wasn't written anywhere and I don't feel like it was even hinted at. The authors have done a lot of mind/body work with infertile patients, they give anecdotal reports and research numbers that show that because infertility is such an overwhelming medical issue - many infertile women are depressed and don't even know the extent of it. They point out that some women who have used the tools provided have gone on to get pregnant - they were very specific in the percentages - at no time do they give/intimate a guarantee. That is not the basis of the book nor the meat of the book. For me, the tools for handling stress and anxiety for a better overall sense of well-being are what stood out. Just my 2 cents. Also, I wasn't looking for a book that will get me pregnant, I was looking for something that can help me cope and that's what I found.


Valery said...

I sort of remember a book discussion at Stirrups Queens about this book, but can't seem to retrace it. From what I remember some people loved it. And other people were hurt about the mind-body connection, feeling they were getting the blame for infertility because their feelings were wrong. Or something.
Glad to hear it speaks to you, it is hard enough feeling your partner 'doesn't get it'.

Spacey said...

That book sounds interesting. I just have a quick question: does it come across as "if you do this, you will get pregnant" or "the reason you are not pregnant is because you were stressed, sad etc." or "if you take my workshop I'll show you how you can be pregnant"? I had a look at it and almost bought it this morning after reading you post, but I read some reviews and they were mixed so I thought I'll ask you.

Another good book, but this is a memoir, is "Waiting for Daisy". The author has low ovarian reserve and she wrote the book about her journey through infertility. It does have a happy ending, after many rounds of disappointments. I read it a while ago, but if you want it I can fish out my copy and put it in the mail for you.

Lost in Space said...

Glad you have found something that is really speaking to you. I will have to check it out based on your recommendation!

Spacey said...

Thanks for the explanation and answering some of the questions I had. I'll order it too as it sounds something I would find helpful right now.

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Sweet Georgia said...
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Sweet Georgia said...

deleted comments are spam. Not sure how that's happening.